Never Tear Us Apart
by RockinTheOC
Summary: Nate returns ten years after setting sail and leaving his two girls behind. His soul has been searched, did he find what he was looking for? And how does his return affect the girls he left behind? Mostly N/B. Book/show based. First GG fic, please R
1. back in our town

_This is my first fanfic in years, and my first Gossip Girl fanfic, so I hope you enjoy. It's more inspired by the books, but parts are inspired by the show as well. Since I am a book purist, I happen to love the Nair, Blate, Waldibald, whatever you want to call them, pairing. This is a songfic, sort of. Read and review, please!_

_Rating: T to M, mostly for language_

_Disclaimer: I do not own anything, not the books, show or songs. _

**Never Tear Us Apart**

Chapter 1: Back in our town

_Back in our town_

_You were the only one who really knew me_

_Laughing out loud _

_We always knew you could see through me_

_ -Ivy _

Click. Clop. Click. Clop. Click. Clop.

He could identify the sound from a mile away, after all, he _had_ been trained to do so from an early age. The intensity of the sound amplified as she neared. The resonance of the five inch Christian Louboutin heels forcefully stabbing into the linoleum echoed in his ears. Each step was full of purpose, full of anger. Only one person could make walking sound like a physical assault of the ground. And honestly, only one person would think it practical to wear stilettos to work in a hospital.

The staccato of her heels against the floor stopped at the entrance to the room.

"_Blair," _he uttered her name for the first time in many years. The sound leapt from his tongue naturally, like he had been saying it everyday. He loved the sound of her name; he always had. He whispered it without turning around, but he was sure she could hear. He knew she had developed keen senses when it came to him; he felt the same way about her.

"_Nathanial." _Her soft voice still purred with a high-pitched whine quality to it, but it bit with a sharpness not unfamiliar to him. His friends had always teased him about how he could listen to that voice all day, but it was one of her features he loved the most. It was like everything she said, she was pleading with him to pay attention to her, and that gave him a little bit of a head trip to know he was that important to her.

It also didn't hurt that he was stoned out of his mind for most of the years he dated her.

"I could tell by the sound of your Louboutins," he stated, exaggerating a French accent. He turned around to meet her eyes, flashing her the trademark Archibald smile. Her dark blue eyes were piercing, just as he remembered. He recognized the coldness in her stare all too well. He smirked. She scowled back.

"I'm pleased that you learned something while we were dating, although, these…" she lifted a spectator heel clad foot to show that there were no red soles, "…are Brian Atwoods." Nate grinned showing two rows of perfect teeth, and Blair's icy exterior slightly melted. She hoped he hadn't noticed how she had to suck in her breath when he first turned around. He still had the same effect on her, every time.

_Composure B, never let a man see all your cards, even if that man is N._

"It took you long enough to get here. I've been here for almost four hours. I thought you'd be the first in line to verbally attack me," he mocked. She placed her hands on her hips, taking in the characteristic I'm- Blair-Waldorf stance. And she was dressed in what he could only refer to as a Blair dress, a knee-length, black number with a white collar, and a black satin ribbon tied into a big floppy bow around her tiny waist. Ten years, and it was comforting to know that some things had not changed, even if he knew that many of the most important things had. A large white lab coat swallowed her petite frame, with Blair C. Waldorf, M.D. embroidered in bright blue over her left breast.

"Don't flatter yourself, Archibald…I saw your father's name on the ER runner, so I came to see _him_. Had I known the prodigal son was here, I would avoided this Hallmark moment all together." Her voice was steady, although she was shaking inside. It was her turn to smirk at him, she wouldn't give him the pleasure of seeing her squirm.

Nate clutched his chest in mock pain. "We don't need two Archibalds to be put in the hospital for broken hearts, Blair. It is so like you to be snooping around, although, I am surprised you didn't hear from all the other UES crows first. I bet we're the talk of the town…" Nate turned back around, he had to break the stare. Her smile was still so sexy, the thought of those lips curled up was stirring up some feelings deep inside of him; feelings that he did not think were very appropriate for the circumstances. "He's sleeping now, but he asked about you."

For the first time, Blair acknowledged the other person in the room. Nate's father, the indestructible Captain Archibald, lay in the bed, small, his legs covered in blankets. It was funny how time changed all perspectives. When she was growing up, the Captain loomed over her, and when he would give her a hug, his strength often overwhelmed her. Nate was the opposite, he had always been gentle with her, not lumbering like his strict father. The roles were reversed now. She could see Nate had developed some muscle in his shoulders and back, he looked toned, stronger, probably from all the rigging and sailing and whatever else people on the high seas did, if he still did that. "How is he?"

"He's okay. They told Mom that he has the signs of heart failure, probably from the years of abuse with…you know…" Maybe the roles weren't reversed, and Nate was still the vulnerable little boy who couldn't admit his father's defeat in life. "They started him on some IV medications, and have him on oxygen. They said the chest x-ray looks better today than it did on admission, less fluid or something. His legs still look like shit. I think they are doing an ECHO this morning."

Blair nodded. She walked over to Nate's side, careful not to brush against any part of his body; she was definitely not ready for that. She uncovered the Captain's legs, and looked at the pinkish-purple skin, swollen with backed up fluid from his poorly pumping heart. She lightly pressed her index finger against his leg, and watched as it made a slight indent. She looked up at Nate, not expecting him to be staring right back at her. She turned back to the leg.

"Pitting edema…" she stated, matter-of-factly. Nate looked at her quizzically as she continued, "you know, swelling. It's not as bad as it could be, but they're going to have to keep diuresing him to get that extra fluid off. They've probably got him on fluid restriction, and no salty foods, okay?" She averted her eyes.

He nodded like he was paying attention, but he wasn't. He couldn't help but look over every inch of her body. She was still so fucking gorgeous. He had to fight the urge to grab her and take her right there on the floor. A small part of him wished she had gotten fat or gross in some way, even though he knew she'd never allow that, because then he wouldn't feel so fucking stupid for leaving her in the first place. No such luck. He wanted to remember everything about her in this moment. How her hair, shorter than he remembered, flowed back from a red headband (how characteristic) falling in soft curls over her shoulders. She had a small ink stain at the bottom of the pocket over her left breast. He bet she knew it, and he bet that it drove her crazy.

She abruptly re-covered the Captain's legs. This was _way_ more personal than it should be. She wished Nate would stop looking at her. She was post-call, and after a night full of lacerations to be stitched up, consultations on decubitis ulcers and a broken nose to contend with, she was pretty damn tired after her three hours of sleep. Her coat was filthy, and she began to play with the button that was hanging by it's last thread. She was a mess. The three years of residency that she had already completed left her with permanent bags under her eyes, no matter how many Aveda facials she got. Her hair was a mess, and having been up in a ponytail all night, it had that unforgivable crease as evidence. She couldn't stand the thought of him seeing her like this.

Over the years, she had played the scene when they reunited over and over again in her head, as she was prone to doing. She was supposed to be in a ball gown, perfectly coiffed and perfectly made up. She would walk down a winding staircase as he watched afar from the outside terrace. She would walk towards him and be the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Snow would start falling down lightly from the sky, enveloping them in a white blanket as he touched her face and kissed her.

But instead, she looked like ass, and he, even though he had slept in the bedside pull out bed, he looked as sharp and sexy as he possibly could. He was like a fucking male version of Serena, and she hated him for it.

Nate didn't notice the imperfections of Blair's face. He never understood how obsessed she was over her appearance. He always thought she looked gorgeous, like a little fox with her delicate features. He noticed that her face had matured a bit, and that she was skinny as ever, her chin jutting out, exposing the incredible jaw line that he used to trace with kisses.

She was beginning to feel that familiar feeling in the pit of her stomach again, the first time she felt it since medical school. She would not allow this to happen just because Nate decided to come back. She was Blair fucking Waldorf for pete's sake. She owned this shit, it was her turf on which he was a trespasser. She could control her body and her mind, and no one, not even Nate could interfere with that. She grew angry as he stood there, smirking, thinking that he could just walk in after ten years and have her laugh with him like they were friends. They were not friends, he forfeited that benefit years ago when he left without so much as a goodbye, see you soon. Her forehead wrinkled, and it felt like the room had froze over. Blair was pissed.

"Will I be graced with your presence during his hospital stay? I think we have some things to talk about…" he asked, trying not to reveal his hopefulness. He wouldn't realize it until later that afternoon, but he felt extremely comforted by the fact that she wore no ring on her finger and still had her maiden name.

"Nate, I just want to make it clear to you that this thing is strictly regarding your father's health. I care about him and your family, but beyond that, we don't have anything to discuss. If you want any clarifications on anything, just have the operator page me," she stated coolly, glancing at her watch. "I have clinic. Tell the Captain I'll be by to visit with him later."

Nate could feel the atmosphere change, he always knew when Blair's mood changed, it was best to leave her alone. But he was not in high school anymore, and standing here in front of her, on uneven ground, he realized he was not afraid of her anymore. "Blair, I'm glad to see you are as bitchy as ever."

She stopped and turned around. "You know you love me."

And with that, she was gone.


	2. jealousy, turning saints into the sea

_Thanks for all the comments, please continue R&R. For those unfamiliar with the books, Blair's mom, Eleanor, is not a fashion designer, but a wealthy socialite. She is married to a real estate developer, Cyrus Rose who has a son, Aaron, who is Blair's age. Blair also has a younger brother named Tyler, who to make it easier on me, does not make an appearance in this story. Cyrus and Eleanor have a daughter, Yale, who was born during Blair's senior year of high school. Serena is an actress, she starred in a movie at the end of the last book...this will be explained in more detail in coming chapters. Hope that catches everyone up, enjoy the story._

_Rating: T to M, mostly for language_

_Disclaimer: I do not own anything, not the books, show nor songs. _

**Never Tear Us Apart**

Chapter 2: jealousy, turning saints into the sea

Now they're going to bed,  
And my stomach is sick,  
And it's all in my head,  
But she's touching his chest now,  
He takes off her dress now,  
Let me go...  
And I just can't look...  
It's killing me,  
And taking control...

--The Killers

"So, Nate's back in town, huh?" She knew exactly why her friend of almost 25 years was calling her at exactly 5:35 AM, Pacific Standard Time. There could be no other reason, especially since Blair knew that she stayed up all night partying seven nights a week. But, this was crisis mode and she could picture it as if she was there in New York. The look of disbelief on Blair's face at Serena's question, and then anger as her mind started working out all of the reasons why Serena could have known Nate was back in town. She was always paranoid about their relationship, and she had a right to be, Serena and Nate had lost their virginity together, and then had slept together on several occasions when Nate was supposed to be with Blair.

Oops, their bad.

Blair's eyes would get squinty, and her cheeks would turn bright red as her nose started to flare. Before Blair started going apeshit, Serena appeased her, "My mother told me about the Captain. Was I right?" She heard Blair sigh on the other line. She was probably pacing the room.

Blair paced around the office space, kicking her shoes off. "Is it that obvious? What is wrong with me, Serena? I haven't seen Nate up close and alone like that in ten years, and in ten seconds he turns me into some sort of headcase."

"Sweetheart, I hate to break it to you, but you've always been a headcase…but you're our favorite headcase if that makes a difference." Serena smiled as she looked at a framed picture of Nate, Blair, and her on the bedside table. Blair's head was turned to the side, her lips in a pout, Nate was facing Serena, whose had was flipped back laughing, no doubt at something Nate had said.

"Gee, thanks. How are you not more surprised about this? He just waltzed back in, and thinks he can be a lead character when at best, he can only become a recurring character. What am I going to do, Serena? This pisses me off."

"But you're like really turned on at the same time, right? You know he does it for you." Serena tried to lighten to mood. Blair was positively manic, and it would do no good to fuel this aggression even more.

"I can't even _like _remember that far back," she snapped, "Anyway, I wish you could be here, I really need you. When are you coming home?" Blair's eyes darted around the office. She didn't want anyone to hear that she needed her best friend to lean on. She had three years of building a reputation as the biggest queen bitch of them all, and she would be damned if anyone saw her in any sort of sensitive, fuzzy bullshit state.

Not like anyone would mistake her for anything but a bitch anyway.

Serena yawned, she was getting bored of this conversation. "You know I'm in the middle of filming season. I promise though, when we get a break, I will come back for a weekend to see you. Anyway, you should come to visit me. LA is really beautiful this time of year…actually, it is beautiful all the time."

"Ugg…and contend with sunshine and driving and traffic? Please."

Serena sighed. There was no changing Blair, not one bit. "B, you know this is no big deal. Fuck Nate, he is the one who missed out on the last ten years. His loss, he should be so lucky for you to even talk to him. I gotta go, but we'll talk later, k? Love ya."

Serena felt slightly guilty not telling Blair the entire truth. But she knew that if Blair knew, there was no telling what physical harm she would impart on Serena , especially now that she was so skilled with a scalpel. And in Hollywood, Serena needed her good looks, so sometimes it was best to keep the past in the past.

Blair stared at the phone. She wasn't stupid. Maybe it was because she didn't ask how Nate was or how Nate looked after all these years apart or perhaps it was the quickness with which Serena told Blair to dismiss him, but Blair knew something was up. She may have turned slightly soft during these ten years, but the feelings of jealousy and distrust found their way back into B's heart. And baby, were they back with a vengeance.

--

Blair stretched out her arms and inhaled deeply. She finished dictating the last clinic note of the day and she was finally free to think about the events of the day, or rather the event of the day. Before today, Blair enjoyed her life. She would even say she was content. After Nate left, Blair went off to Yale just as she planned. She excelled in all of her classes, and she even graduated a year early. But college hadn't only been about studying and taking tests, Blair's social calendar was always full of dates from guys who worshipped her. She might have even started getting over him, so she gave in and liked some of the boys back. And since Serena wasn't around, Blair had the spotlight all to herself, and she basked in it. She regained all of the power she had craved, only to realize that she didn't need it to measure her self-worth after all.

Medical school years were slightly more difficult, but Blair had been unconsciously preparing herself for it her whole life. Not only did she possess the knowledge and skills to become a doctor, but she had always been obsessively detail oriented. Her family also moved back from the West Coast, allowing her to become closer to her little sister, who was everything to her. She was busy, but she had the support from her family and friends, so she thrived. Blair may have even grown a bit more compassionate during these years, even though she had no one to share her love with. Don't get me wrong, she was still as ruthless as ever. She instilled fear into most men, even making some of her attending physicians cry at her mercy. But, as fate would have it, she found the perfect way to channel all of that energy and aggression.

Surgery, Plastics to be more specific. It was all about perfection, aesthetics, and control. The role of the surgeon was a role she was born to play. She was now a third-year resident in one of the best Plastic Surgery programs in the nation, and she was good at what she did. She was known to be precise, intense, and relentless in her pursuit of perfection. She had earned the respect of her fellow residents and attendings, and scared the shit out of any hospital employee daring to cross her.

Blair lived in the city she loved, in a gorgeous townhome on the UES that had been a present from Cyrus and her mother upon graduating from Yale medical school. She had some good friends, and was still involved in New York society functions, when she wasn't trapped in the hospital.

The point was, that even without Nate, Blair's life was still like a modern day fairy-tale that any girl would love to live. Yes, she worked way more than the allotted eighty hours a week, but she liked it. She liked it because the more she worked, the less she thought about the emptiness in her heart that had once been filled by a certain someone.

--

She walked through the halls of the hospital. Even though it was 6 PM, the halls were still busy with people. The hospital never slept. And neither did she, or so it felt. Her feet ached, her voice was hoarse, and her eyes were shutting as she walked, but there was one last person she had to see.

She knocked gently, and poked her head into the room.

"Captain." His eyes fluttered open, and he smiled widely at her.

"Blair, come here, sweetheart." He opened his arms to her, and she leaned down to hug him. This was strange, but it felt okay to do after all these years. "Nate told me you had been by."

"I apologize I couldn't stay for long, busy day. How are you feeling?" She sat at the edge of his bed. Even after seven years of medical training and counting, it was still hard to see someone she had once been close to in the hospital.

"Better than yesterday. I had my test this morning, they said the ejection fraction wasn't very good." Blair nodded, she'd already looked up the report, "wasn't very good" was putting it mildly.

"Luckily, CHF is a very treatable disease. I'm sure the cardiologists have you on all of the right medications, and they've probably thrown some more in for good measure." She smiled weakly, trying to make light of the serious situation.

"I think I'll be okay. But what about you? Little Blair Waldorf, a doctor. I can't even imagine!"

"I know, all grown up, right? I'm sorry we grew out of touch, but with my parents moving to California, Yale, and then medical school, I haven't really kept in touch with that many people around here."

"Well, you know you've always had a special place in our hearts. You were very special to Nate and us. I'm just sorry it didn't work out the way it was supposed to. He was a fool to let you go." She smoothed out the blankets on the bed. This was getting too awkward for her liking, and she had to escape. She began to stand up, but the Captain grabbed her hand and jerked it back. Blair looked at him in surprise. "Blair, I may not have much time left. I just want Nate to be happy."

"I'm not sure what this has to do with me or my situation, sir, but Nate has not been a part of my life in some time now. Our involvement ended a long time ago, and we've both grown up and we've both moved on…now, I hate to cut our reunion short, but I have to get going. I'll see you tomorrow…and if there are any problems, just drop the name Blair Waldorf and I'm sure people will hasten their step in fear," she said as calmly as she could muster.

"Brutal as ever, Blair." She was sure he was referring to their entire exchange.

"You know I learned from the best. Take care, sir." Blair teetered out of the room on her last tank of gas, and made her way to the car that was waiting. And there it was, waiting to take her home to the empty house that she lived in alone. She took out her cell phone, and punched in the speed dial.

"Hey, what's up?" he answered, slightly perturbed she was interrupting him, but yet slightly excited to hear from her.

"You won't believe who I ran into today…"

--

Nate sat in his room, looking at the old lacrosse plaques and awards. He had not really spent a lot of time in this room since high school, specifically since the week he left to sail around the world. There was a pile of pictures left from when he and Serena created the slideshow for Blair's graduation party or more notably, the night he had sex with Serena again. He threw the pictures on top of his bed, and opened his dresser drawer, looking for one item in particular. He pulled out the moss green sweater and cuffed the left sleeve over, finding the tiny gold heart Blair had so painstakingly sewn in. She had complained that she stuck herself with the needle several times while trying to sew that damn thing it, and he'd not even shown any sort of gratitude towards the gesture or the girl. She had always left him little presents like that, slipping love notes into his gym bag, a cupcake in his locker, or silk boxers on his bed. He missed it.

His phone rang, and he shook his head reading the caller ID. "You know, I was just thinking about you."

"Oh yeah? Feeling very nostalgic today, are we, Natie?"

"You've talked to her, I presume."

"Of course, we're still besties...and you know, you can say her name now. It's okay."

He ignored her. "So, what'd she say. Did she ask about me?"

"Not so much, she just kind of mentioned that she saw you."

"Really? And?"

"And that's it, really. I do think the secret's out though, Nate." Serena fibbed a little bit, she didn't want to make Blair come off as too desperate, since she was also sort of hiding something from her best friend of almost 25 years.

"Did you tell her?" his voice was slightly annoyed.

"No, but I'm guessing a 4.0 from Yale means that you're fairly good at thinking out problems and figuring out solutions….and she, she is good at figuring things out."

Yes, she was, and there was no telling what kinds of elaborate scenes Blair was cooking up in her mind even as they spoke.


	3. rising tide will not let you forget me

_Thanks for the reviews, keep them coming! So at the end of the last book, Nate sets sail with his father's friend, Captain Chips, leaving Blair and Serena behind. This chapter is a flashback that lays the background for the story. Enjoy!_

_Rating: T to M, mostly for language_

_Disclaimer: I do not own anything, not the books, show or songs. _

**Never Tear Us Apart**

Chapter 3: the rising tide will not let you forget me

this is your ghost that kneels before me  
razers on her tongue, a body full of oxygen  
it wont be the last time she'll ignore me

--Something Corporate

Flashback: ten years ago

Within one month of stepping aboard the _Belinda_, Nate could not have felt better. This was the perfect decision for him. Fuck Yale. Fuck his parents. Fuck responsibility. All of this, this was his moment. He didn't have to worry about his Dad or his degree or whatever. But it was all coming to an end. He could run away from his problems, but sooner or later, Nate had to get back to reality.

In a few days, they would dock back in New York. After sailing around for six months, Chips decided to cut their trip short. His health wasn't as good as he previously thought, and he wanted to return.

Nate hopped up on deck, knowing right where to find Chips. Night after night, Nate found him near the bow, looking out at the moon. Tonight was no different.

"Nate, we've had some adventure haven't we?" his voice was salty.

"Definitely. This has changed my life. My mind is so clear, and god, I feel like I can do anything."

Chips laughed. "I remember when I was your age, I only wanted to explore the world. I was running away from a tough life, and the sea was the only thing that could console me. I was and still am my freest when I am out on the water."

"Yeah, I feel the exact same way--"

"I'm not finished. I was my freest out here, but I was my best when I was with my wife. She made me feel like a human, like flesh that could bleed. I was not invincible when I was with her, but I didn't want to be. I wanted to be down here, on earth, with her. Do you get what I'm trying to say, Nate?"

"I think so." Nate did not.

"My life was the sea, but my love was my wife, for whom this boat was named. When she died, I thought the sea could replace her, but it only made the memory linger on. Remember what I told you, you have to think with your balls and not with your dick. We've had quite a few conversations over the past few months, Nate. Now, you had two young ladies waiting for you, so you can either disappoint both of them, or you can disappoint one now and hope to be forgiven and show the other the love and respect she deserves. Think about it." Chips hobbled off towards the cabin, leaving Nate to his own devices.

He stood there, thinking long and hard about what Chips had said. All the sea air and the wind whipping through his body. He didn't know. Serena or Blair. Blair or Serena.

"Fuck. I love them both."

"You can't love us both equally, you have to want one of us more." Nate blinked. He turned around slowly and he saw her. She leaned against the railing in a white silk dress, the wind whipping it all around her.

"I don't know what I want." Her face was illuminated by the moonlight and she smiled, taking his face into her tiny, fragile hands.

"Think about what you've always wanted. Think about who you can't imagine living without," she walked away from him. "Nate, I think we both know what or who the answer is."

He didn't know if it was the lengthy period of time he was spending out on the sea with only his thoughts to keep him company, of if he had finally gone insane, but all he could see was her face.

He was so stupid. He had taken her for granted. She had spent years trying to convince him that their love story was akin to those found in any one of those sappy classic movies starring Audrey Hepburn or Cary Grant. Serena may have captured his attention here and there, but he always ran back to one person. Blair was the one who would always stand by his side and be loyal to the very end. Serena was beautiful and crazy and spontaneous, but Serena was also flighty, and her love for him would change more frequently than the flowers in his mother's foyer. He knew Serena would not hate him forever, she would eventually forgive him. And more importantly, she would understand.

And so he returned to New York, facing the wrath of his father, again. He didn't even care about any of the lectures or disapproving looks. He only thought about the approval of one person, and what he would do to sweep his leading lady off her feet.

He took the next train down to Yale, rehearsing over and over how he would approach her. He would walk up behind her in a crowd of people, tap her on the back and watch as she turned and stared at her in surprise. "Nate," she would breathe and then wrap her arms around his neck. He would tilt her chin up say, "I have always loved you, Blair." And they would kiss and all would be forgiven.

Perhaps B's ideals had rubbed off on him more than he thought.

He knew Blair belonged to the Branford House at Yale, and with a little bit of charm and good looks, Nate had no trouble finding her room at all. He knocked on the door, and snickered as the girl who opened the door stoof with her mouth gaped open.

"Is Blair Waldorf here?" he smiled sweetly, leaning against the door jamb, running his had through his sandy hair.

"Hi. I'm Alicia. Blair is at Sterling, I think." She giggled, nervous to be in his presence, who wouldn't be? She was a slightly chubby, overly spray-tanned, flat-ironed brunette. He could feel how annoying she was, and that Blair probably hated her.

"Thanks," he waved and ran out the door.

"Wait…who are you?" she called after him, but he was on a mission.

Because he had toured the campus several times with and without Blair, Nate knew the campus fairly well. He also knew Blair's favorite area in the gothic style building, in the study room towards the back row of the private desks. It was during their first visit to Yale together in seventh grade that Blair had carved the letters BW + NA into the corner of the desk. She thought it had been romantic. He thought it had bordered on vandalism. He made his way through the study hall, not finding her. He walked towards the great hall, when he heard that laugh. Nate hid behind a card catalog and watched her, feeling like a crazy stalker.

She stood in the Nave, the light from the stained glass windows casting a soft glow on her face. She giggled and threw her head back, the sound echoing in the building. He looked and saw that she was not alone. Some douchebag walked beside her, carrying her large Tumi computer bag. There was a familiarity between them that Nate was not comfortable with. She kept smiling at him, and took his arm, snuggling her body close to him as they left the building.

He had been a fool to think she would have been sulking around, waiting for him to return.

So Nate left. He never told anyone that he had ever been to Yale. When her roommate relayed the message that some gorgeous hunk had been by looking for her, Blair had thought it was one of the many guys who often lined up wanting dates. How could she possibly know? Later on, when people asked him if he had forgotten about Blair, he would laugh and pretend it didn't bother him, but silently it killed him to know that she was the one who had forgotten about him first.


	4. she didn't mean a thing to me

_Thanks for all the reviews, keep them coming...the more I get the more likely I am to sit down and write! Hopefully this chapter kind of ties up more of the loose ends from the last few chapters._

_Rating: T to M, mostly for language_

_Disclaimer: I do not own anything, not the books, show nor songs. _

**Never Tear Us Apart**

Chapter 4: she didn't mean a thing to me

Flashback five years from present

"I really don't know if this is the right time for us to be involving ourselves in this project…No, no, I don't think so. Well, let me talk to the other partners, and I'll get back to you. Yes, I know there's a deadline, I'm only here for another three days, but I will get back to you before I leave." Nate clicked off his cell and sighed. He looked out the floor length windows at the San Francisco skyline surrounding him on all sides. Every day, Nate thought about how he got to this point. After the Yale incident, Nate returned to New York, packed up his bags and was set on heading out far West to USC, which his father was still against. So, as a compromise, he ended up stopping somewhere in the middle, creating a new life for himself at Northwestern in Chicago.

He had seen Blair only once more, a year after the Yale incident. It had been at the Palace ballroom, a charity event for Constance Billiard-St Jude's over Winter Break. She had been sitting at a table reserved for alumni of their class, and he had gotten a good look at her profile. He was also supposed to sit at that table, but upon walking in late and seeing her, he turned right around and went to his favorite spot in Central Park and smoked a joint. Somehow, in a year, she had grown more sophisticated, so much more worldly and he was jealous that she was moving on and he was not. So, he conveniently skipped all charity events every time he came back into town to visit his family. It was better for him to remove himself from that world, than suffer every moment he was in it.

Since then, visits back to New York had become far and few between. His family was totally awkward to be around and his friends were scattered all around the country. Chicago was an amazing city and he slowly replaced all of his old friends with new ones. With Nate's looks and connections, he found himself just as accepted as he had been in Manhattan. He loved that no one knew him and that he was far from the reach of his father. He loved that no one knew his past or anyone from his past. He dated here and there, but no one was ever good enough. Every girl he ever dated, he compared to her, so they mostly ended up being short-term hookups. Their hair wasn't as soft as hers, they wasn't as cunning as she was, their style was not as refined as hers. His friends thought he was nuts, but they could not understand, they could only sit back and be confused by his behavior. Hell, he was confused by his behavior. Nate acted like he had something to prove, and he did. He wanted to prove to Blair that he too could exist and excel without her.

Even if he had not had luck with the ladies, Nate still possessed a special charm. A charm he used to worm his way into investment banking. After all, he had always been great with numbers, especially when he was high. Nate made the Captain proud by making a small fortune managing hedgefunds, but he was not destined to spend his life in an office. He invested in properties in New York and Chicago, and he was out branching out to the West Coast, which brought him here to San Francisco.

He walked out on the wharf and watched as the sea otters lazily tanned on the buoys. One of them looked up at him and barked. He named it Blair. Nate missed sailing, but he didn't have the time anymore. He vowed to make a trip out with his father, but he knew that probably wouldn't happen. He walked along the pier, out of place amongst the tourists. His phone rang, but he ignored it. A performance artist dressed as the Statue of Liberty stood frozen in front of a large group of people. A flash of blond hair caught Nate's eye. She dropped some money into his hat, and the Statue of Liberty winked at her, causing her to smile back.

She turned towards him, and her face opened up in a huge smile. "NATE!" She ran over to him, taking him in her arms. Out of the corner of his eye, Nate saw the Statue of Liberty flip him off.

"How's it going, van der Woodsen?" She kissed him warmly on both cheeks. She should have been angry at him for not keeping touch, but she couldn't be. It was fate. Her prince charming had just rode in on his stallion, ready to take her away. She hugged him close, and the familiar scent of patchouli filled his nostrils. She took his hand and they walked off, looking like two perfect models having an insanely wonderful day.

"So, tell me everything!" And Nate did, filling in all of the details that she so desperately wanted to know. He conveniently left out the fact that he was still desperately in love with her best friend, and not with her.

Serena had achieved fame with _Breakfast at Fred's_. She achieved superstar status with the sequel and the dozen of other movies she had made over the years. Even though she had all the success and the money, and the fame, she had never wanted nor needed those things in the first place. She had tried again with Dan after Nate left, but the long distance thing never worked. She even tried to seduce Aaron into coming back to her, but that failed to work also. So when she spotted Nate at Fisherman's Wharf, she thought that her life had been turned around.

And we all thought that had been Blair's dream?

Nate, heartbroken over Blair saw in Serena what he could not have with Blair. Her hair, as long and shiny as he remembered, lightly feathered across his arms every time she laughed. Maybe things could work out after all. He looked at the tiny laugh lines on her face, and suddenly he thought of her best friend. He knew even if Serena worked out, Blair would always be the pervasive thought running through his mind and his heart every morning when he opened his eyes and every night as he lay his head on the pillow.

_This is the moment_

_That you know_

_That you told her that you loved her but you don't_

_You touch her skin and then you think_

_She is beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me_

_Yeah, she is beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me_

But, the thing was...Blair wasn't here in front of him. Serena was.

_I spent two weeks in Silverlake_

_The California sun cascading down my face_

_There was a girl with light brown streaks,_

_And she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me_

_Yeah, she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me_

The afternoon of reacquainting themselves and talking about life soon turned into a drunken night of inhibitions, like many do. They spent a night exploring each other's bodies in Serena's hotel room, even though it was not what Nate wanted. The sex was just as good as she remembered it, maybe even better. He was tanned, and much stronger. He was more forceful, and he seemed more experienced, which made her insanely jealous because all of the years he could have been with her, he was out with those other sluts and whores. Still, while Serena had been utterly happy that night, Nate had been utterly heartbroken.

_I wanted to believe in all the words that I was speaking,_

_As we moved together in the dark_

_And all the friends that I was telling_

_All the playful misspellings and every bite I gave you left a mark_

_Tiny vessels oozed into your neck_

_And formed the bruises_

_That you said you didn't want to fade_

_But they did, and so did I that day_

When the sun hit her eyes the next morning, she turned into an empty bed. She panicked and looked around her room, afraid he had abandoned her again. He stood, with his back to her, looking at the view of the Bay from the window.

_All I see are dark Grey clouds_

_In the distance moving closer with every hour_

_So when you ask "Is something wrong?"_

_I think "You're damn right there is, but we can't talk about it now._

_No, we can't talk about it now."_

"Nate?" He turned and looked at her, his eyes red. He was holding a frame, a picture of her and Blair taken at Blair's graduation from Yale. They had both looked so happy in the picture, so happy without him there to get in the way. He wanted to throw it across the room. He cursed Blair for ruining this moment for him. Serena sat up in bed, pulling the sheets up to her chest, feeling very naked and vulnerable. The realization killed her inside.

"You still love her, don't you?" she choked out.

She understood, because somehow she always had known, and he knew she was the only one who would.

_So one last touch and then you'll go_

_And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more_

_But it was vile, and it was cheap_

_and you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me_

_yeah you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me _

From that day on, Serena and Nate kept his little secret. She knew this was the way it was always meant to be, and she didn't hold a grudge against either of them. Blair was still one of her oldest and dearest friends, and if she could not have Nate for herself, she at least wanted Blair to have his heart.

And Nate had been right after all, within a few months, Serena moved on to another guy with whom she was completely in love with, and then another, and then another. Everything was good between them. They occasionally met up when he was in town, and talked about the old days. She was the only girl left that he hadn't turned away from completely and he needed her to keep tabs on the old gang, well namely on one person. He kept in touch with her, just to have that connection with Blair. Serena encouraged him to call Blair, knowing full well that Blair was single and in medical school, but not knowing how long it would be until some handsome McDreamy would capture her heart. He begged her not to tell Blair. He would approach her on his own terms, at the right time. And so five more years passed, and Blair did not know. Nate kept busy with work and with play. Serena had always meant to tell Blair, even though she knew that Nate should be the one to profess his true feelings, but as scatter-brained as Serena was, she always conveniently forgot.

* * *

_Tiny Vessels by Death Cab for Cutie_


	5. buildings and mountains

_Thanks for the reviews, enjoy!_

_Rating: T to M, mostly for language_

_Disclaimer: I do not own anything, not the books, show or songs. _

**Never Tear Us Apart**

Chapter 5: buildings and mountains

We've been waiting all our lives  
for things we've always had,  
but have no eyes to see  
Something new is going to happen  
The most natural thing,  
but nothing we'd expect

--The Republic Tigers

Blair greedily stabbed into her ham and gruyere sandwich. Dan watched incredulously as she ferociously swallowed half her sandwich in one bite. Who knew Blair Waldorf would ever become…an eater?

"MMMmmmm," Blair took a huge gulp of her ginger tea. She felt like she hadn't eaten in days.

"You are lucky I'm a doctor, because I'm fairly certain half of that sandwich is lodged somewhere in your trachea." He dredged a French fry into a pool of mayonnaise and ketchup.

She huffed, mouth full of food. "That's disgusting," she wrinkled her nose.

"I wouldn't talk if I were you," he smirked, wagging his fry at her.

She rolled her eyes, and lowered her sunglasses to shield them from the unforgiving sun. Awake since 4 AM, she had been rounding all morning, almost missing her lunch date with Dan. She was famished and showed no mercy on her meal.

Like they say, you are how you eat.

"Shut up, you used to know what it was like to work hard…before you became a _psychiatrist_."

"Yeah, I'm real sorry I get to leave work at 5 PM instead of 5 AM. It really sucks balls. Speaking of…balls? You haven't even mentioned the reason why you scheduled this little impromptu therapy session with me anyway. Couldn't get an earlier appointment with Dr. Sherman?"

"Very funny. What's there to say? I haven't seen _him_ since Thursday." She shrugged him off, she knew he was bound to bring the subject up.

"You expect me to believe that you haven't casually run into the Nathanial Archibald for two whole days? You're not waiting at the nurses station by his father's room?" he teased.

She wrinkled her forehead. "I visited with the Captain this morning, but he wasn't around. He probably left town again without telling anyone. If I recall correctly, he is pretty good at that."

"Well, how do you feel about seeing him again? Was he as dreamy as you remembered?"

"Dreamier, actually," she reached over and tucked into his French toast. "He looks good, he always has. I mean, obviously, I was hoping that he had a beer belly and thinning hair by now, but genetics has definitely worked in his favor."

"Does he still have the man bangs?"

"Yup, still has the man bangs."

"Damn those things, they're so sexy. You know, I've yet to meet a woman who didn't love the man bangs. How am I the only non-Jewish guy with a Jewfro?" he joked as Blair laughed. "But what are you going to do about it?"

"The man bangs? The only thing you can do…step back and admire them from afar, I guess…Just kidding." She thought about his question for a second. "Nothing. There's nothing I can do. If he wants to pursue a friendship with me, he can. He knows where to find me." Blair leaned back in the chair and sighed.

Friendship? Dan knew Blair was full of shit. He knew that Nate was all she had ever wanted and that she had spent so much time trying to unsuccessfully repress his memory that it became an obsession that drove her. Dan knew exactly what Blair was doing subconsciously, he had noted how her hair was extra bouncy and curly this morning, how she put on a lot more makeup than usual. This was not to impress her hospitalized patients, although he was sure they appreciated it. No, this was all for Nate, as everything else in her life had been.

Yeah, he was pretty good at getting into people's psyche; that was his job, after all.

It was interesting that Dan has chosen psychiatry. He had never even considered becoming a doctor until his second year at Dartmouth. In fact, he had always felt faint at the sight of blood until an incident at the end of his junior year in high school. Regardless, he took an Intro to Psychology course, thinking it would be an easy ass GE. And he hadn't been wrong, it _had_ been really easy. But what he wasn't expecting was how interested he would become in the complexities of the mind, and even more interested in learning about the diseases that could completely obliterate it. So, he worked hard and was accepted to Yale Medical School.

And who do you think he found there?

Imagine Blair's surprise when Dan sat next to her on that first day in Anatomy. They had never really gotten along back in New York so it was very awkward to say the least. Dan had found her to be a manipulative, selfish bitch. Blair had thought Dan was some kind of pansy, poetry-loving, poster child for sensitivity. And maybe they both had been those things once, but after maturing in college, they found that they had both mellowed out and were able to accept the new and improved versions of each other.

Over the years, Dan had become Blair's confidant. He knew every insecurity, anxiety, and fear she had. He knew every unresolved issue with Nate and Serena and her parents and her eating disorder. She was his best patient. And she became his best friend. And he would be damned if some pretty boy from the Upper East Side was going to fuck up his best friend's life even more.

--

Nate walked across the street, distractedly listening to his iPod. He could already taste the flaky, buttery shell of Balthazar's apple turnover. He had been craving it for years. Maybe, he'd even get some donuts for later, after all he had just gone on a jog through Central Park, so he deserved it. Skyscrapers loomed over him in every direction, but yet he did not feel suffocated; he actually felt the opposite. He felt great, he was in the greatest city in the world and he felt like celebrating. He breathed in the New York summer air. It smelled like rubber, pollution and burnt sugar. And he loved it. There was no other city like it.

He walked towards the door of the bakery, appreciating the display of pastries. There was a long line of patrons, as there usually was on weekend mornings, and every seat was filled. A tray passed with a large goat cheese and onion tart, and Nate let his eyes follow it. He caught a glimpse of a beautiful brunette with large sunglasses masking half of her face. She looked familiar. Small, pointed chin. Pale skin. Headband holding the luxurious brown curls no doubt treated at Frederic Fekkai.

His day was definitely getting better.

He looked at her brunch companion. Slim, brown tousled hair, dark pointed eyes. Dressed like he was the bassist of some sort of alternative/indie rock group. He said something that made Blair throw her head back and laugh. Not the kind of "That's sort of funny so I'll deign you a polite chuckle," but a "That's so hilarious, I'm going to rip your clothes off when we get home" laugh.

It had been awhile, but Nate recognized Blair's friend instantly. And he was not pleased.


	6. like you imagined when you were young

_This chapter introduces some more of the characters we know and love, and sets the scene a little bit more. I promse there will be a N/B encounter very soon, you just have to wait and see...thanks for the reviews!_

_Rating: T to M, mostly for language_

_Disclaimer: I do not own anything, not the books, show or songs. _

**Never Tear Us Apart**

Chapter 6: like you imagined when you were young

You sit there in your heartache  
Waiting on some beautiful boy to  
To save you from your old ways  
You play forgiveness  
Watch him now, here he comes

-The Killers

"Hey guys!" a bundle of brown curls leaned over Dan and kissed him.

"V," Blair nodded, "What's with the camera?" Vanessa took a seat next to Blair.

"I'm shooting some crowd scenes for something I'm working on. I've been filming you guys for like ten minutes."

"How voyeuristic. Don't you ever get sick of filming Dan? I mean you see him everyday at home."

"How can I get sick of this little face?" She squeezed his cheeks together as he protested. "Plus, lest we forget that dancing Dan Humphrey was once the YouTube sensation of 2015," she reached over and stole some of Dan's fries.

"We should actually do our best to forget that period of my life, that I never gave consent to, by the way. And between you two, I'm not going to have a lunch left."

"Maybe that's a good thing," Blair said, pointing at his gut.

"Well, then I suppose it's a good thing my dining companion is a plastic surgeon."

"Yes, first lipo is free. But don't be surprised if you wake up with breasts."

"That would be sexy…as long as they're C cups," Vanessa laughed and placed her hands over Dan's chest to simulate breasts. He swatted her hands away quickly before other customers saw.

"That is very telling, V." Blair laughed.

"So changing subject before I throw up, we were just talking about dashing Nate Archibald and how he has ridden in on his black stallion to save our Blair from the treacherous kingdom of the Upper East Side."

"Oh yeah? Maybe Sir Nate will show up at the Kiss on the Lips party next weekend?"

"I doubt it. His family hasn't been involved with those society things since the whole scandal of 2007."

"You never know. You did say that he knows where to find you, and he definitely knows that you are on the board of directors." Dan raised his eyebrows at her.

"Whatever. I doubt I will ever see Nate Archibald ever again…and you know what? Good riddance."

Dan and Vanessa looked at each other and shook their heads. Yeah right.

--

Nate followed the receptionist into the small office. It was stark white and sparsely decorated, although all of the pieces were no doubt very expensive.

She sat in her large chair facing the window, talking on the phone. "I want the lights to go from red, to purple, then to yellow. Then I will have the models start walking out. It's a fall fashion show for fuck's sake. This is not that challenging, even you should be able to handle this." She clicked off the phone and turned her chair.

"Nate." She extended her hand across her glass desk, not standing up. He took it and she shook very firmly. Her hair was flat ironed out, sharply accentuating her cheekbones that jutted out from her too thin face.

"Jenny, look at you," he said incredulously, looking around her office. There was a photograph of Jenny and Donatella Versace on a bookshelf, and another of her and Diddy in the Hamptons. Strange, but true.

"I know right? It's everything I ever wanted." She smiled with glee and a hint of old Jenny reappeared for one brief moment.

Nate could see that Jenny had become just the girl he had always hoped she wouldn't. "I'm glad you're happy. Everything seems to have worked out just like you planned."

"Well, it has it's ups and downs. The industry is like a jungle…in the midst of a constant nuclear war attack. Actually, it's a piece of cake compared to what we endured during high school," she stated. He laughed. "What about you? I know you didn't come down here to chat about fashion." The Jenny he remembered had been cute, soft and innocent. This one was direct and brutal. Those qualities were somehow endearing in Blair, but on Jenny they seemed…gauche. He felt hideously self-aware in front of her, as her eyes glazed over him.

"Well, I just got back into town, and I'm revisiting some old friends. I heard you'd become this ultra successful PR guru…I had no idea you were this big," he said, pointing to a picture of her and Beyonce.

"Yes, well it shows you, a little girl from Brooklyn can become anything if she sets her mind on it. While I enjoy talking about myself, what about you?"

"Oh, well, I've been living in Chicago for the past ten years. I managed hedge funds before, but now I'm pretty much a real estate, nightclub and restaurant investor."

"Really," her eyes glossed over, her lips in a tight smile. "Well, you should give me your card, my firm can do your PR." That was the new Jenny, always thinking of business.

"That'd be great, I guess. They aren't really big places or anything…yet." He reluctantly handed her a business card, which she flipped between her fingers.

"So are you going to get to the real reason you came here, or am I going to have to drag it out of you?"

Nate stalled, taken aback. "Is it that obvious that I'm not here to just shoot the shit with you?"

"Yeah, mostly people don't just drop in to see me, unless they want a verbal berating. Especially, an old friend I haven't seen in like more than ten years. Do you want me to hook you up with some good media coverage of your next restaurant, or arrange to have a bunch of A-listers attend an event at one of your clubs?"

"No, not really." It was Jenny's turn to look surprised. Most of time people who knew her used her for her connections. What did Nate Archibald want, exactly? "I actually wanted to ask about your brother."

"Dan? What about?" This was definitely a surprise. She thought they hated each other.

"Is he in town?" Nate prayed that he wasn't.

"Yeah, he is a psychiatry resident at Columbia. Why the sudden interest? Need an evaluation?" She arched her perfectly sculpted eyebrow at him.

"Something like that…I wanted to find out…for a friend." So it was true, Blair was with Dan. Just great.

The realization lit up a light bulb in Jenny's head. There could only be one reason he would even be remotely interested in what Dan Humphrey was doing. He thought Dan was doing Blair. Bingo.

"I see. Must be a pretty good friend for you to come trucking down to Chelsea. Does this mean you are back in the social scene of Manhattan?" She wondered if he was single…he wasn't wearing a ring.

"Not exactly, but I'm actually looking to move back here. I have some things I have to tie up in Chicago, but I miss it here, you know?"

"Well sure, it's the best city in the world…" she tapped her manicured nails on the glass desktop, "well you know, there's no better time for a second coming out than Kiss on the Lips."

"Really, it's that time of year again? I had forgotten. Didn't even know it was happening," Nate lied. Of course he knew it was that time of year. He'd been going to the damn thing since he was five.

"Well, I know Dan's going…and our old friend Blair will be there with him." Nate winced at the mention of their names together in the same sentence. This was picked up by Jenny's keen eye.

"Oh,well...That's really not my scene now."

"Oh, once a upper crust, always an upper crust. You should come, it will be fun to see all the old faces. And the new plastic surgery versions of the old faces. It'll be fun."

"I'll think about it." Should he attempt it; he knew Blair would hate for him to be there. But at the same time, it might be amusing to see the look on her face when she saw him.

"Well, my firm is doing the event, so I'll put your name on the list. Come on, you can be my date."

"We'll see…nice seeing you again Jenny." Society events were never Nate's thing, but he was very curious to see Blair in her element again.

Jenny watched as Nate walked out of her office. That was an odd encounter, but very fortuitous. She had always had a tiny crush on Nate and they had dated for like two seconds years ago. And now he was jealous of Dan. Dan was just her boring old brother with whom Nate barely associated in high school…except now he was besties with Blair Waldorf. Jenny never could completely dethrone the Queen B. She probably should not have implied that Dan and Blair were an item, but she couldn't help it. Once a schemer, always a schemer; and Jenny had learned from the best.


	7. don't let it burn, don't let it fade

_Sorry, it's been a while since the last update to this story, but there's finally some confrontation in this chapter. Enjoy._

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the books, tv show nor songs._

_Rating: T to M, mostly for language_

**Never Tear Us Apart**

Chapter 7: don't let it burn, don't let it fade

_If you, if you could return  
Don't let it burn, don't let it fade  
I'm sure I'm not being rude  
But it's just your attitude  
It's tearing me apart  
It's ruining everything_

_--The Cranberries_

Blair cracked her eyes open and saw Vanessa staring back at her. "What are you doing?" she moaned.

Vanessa threw back the curtains and let the sun shine through Blair's windows. "It's like noon…you have to wake up. We have a hair appointment that I'd like to keep."

"Oh, you haven't heard about the newest bedhead trend? It's all the rage on the runways in Paris. I'm going to try it out," Blair fell flat, face first into her pillow. Vanessa tugged at Blair's arm.

"Come on…don't you want to look nice for Nate?"

Blair's eyes flew open. "What are you talking about? You are joking right?"

"I heard it through the grapevine that he may make an appearance tonight. But that's a maybe. Why are you so interested anyway. I thought you said you didn't care if you ever saw him again."

"Well, I don't. But I suppose if he is there, I will have to talk to him. I mean, we were friends once upon a time…and I wouldn't want to be rude." Blair slipped on her robe and headed towards the bathroom.

"Oh yeah, not to mention that he's totally single and sexy, right?" Vanessa called to her.

"We don't know that he's single."

"He so is…the way he was flirting with you at the hospital with his dad in the hospital bed? Totally single."

"You weren't even there!" Blair exclaimed, as the heat rose to her cheeks.

"Yeah, but I can tell…it's the best friend sense. And remember Nate and I did go out for like 2 dates once upon a time."

"Yes, how can I forget…the image of you two kissing at Lily's wedding and then Dan coming in and punching Nate is forever burned into my memory. That was the beginning of your storied romance."

"Yeah, so you wouldn't want to be swept off your feet?"

"Who said that hasn't happened already?" Blair sighed and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. She looked at her reflection and matted her hair down. "Blair Waldorf, what are we going to do with you?"

--

"Oh my god." Dan whistled. "You look so great." Vanessa walked down Blair's winding staircase slowly. She wore a long black and white, bustier-style-halter Valentino gown with sequined accents. Her newly straightened hair was in a simple chignon at the nape of her neck. Her skin glowed, but not in the fake and bake tan way.

"Thanks, you don't look so bad either, stud." Dan shrugged. He wore a simple Armani tuxedo with white shirt and no tie (he liked to still play the cool outsider card, even though no one thought of him as one anymore).

"I like this, you're shorter than me." He looked at Vanessa's feet, she wore intricately beaded Sigerson Morrison flats which was unusual, since befriending Blair, Vanessa enjoyed wearing insanely high heels. She shrugged.

"Are we ready?" Blair emerged from her room, slipping one last towering diamond studded Jimmy Choo stiletto on her foot. She precariously descended the staircase.

"B, you look awesome. You are going to knock him dead tonight." Dan held out his arm to both his ladies.

Blair smiled wryly, "Knock who dead?" She looked at herself in the hall mirror. She wore a floor length, one shouldered, beaded, white vintage Grecian YSL gown that draped just so, leaving a dangerously high slit in the middle, exposing Blair's long, toned legs. The gown shined with every angle that she turned. Her hair fell in waves over her shoulders, accented with a sparkly hair clip that looked like a star-gazer lily. It took a lot of convincing from Vanessa to abandon the normal, perfectly coiffed Blair Waldorf updo and go for a sexy, spontaneous look, but Blair had to give it to her friend, combined with the magic of the makeup artist at the salon, she looked totally hot. Queen B was ready for battle, and there was no telling how many casualties there would be at the end of the night.

--

Nate threw a bill into the tip container. He let the Stoli tonic soothe his nerves. He had gotten there early, we're talking nerd early and there weren't that many people there, except for the gaggle of high school girls who probably didn't belong to the in-crowd, staring and giggling nervously at him. He gave them a smile, and their eyes lit up. He still had it in a creepy, kind of perverted way.

And yes, Nate, did still have it. He wore a vintage Gucci suit, with a slightly loosened long black tie. His hair was tousled just so his eyes were slightly covered. Jenny had asked him to be her date, and had asked that he meet her there. He'd only seen her once so far, she'd been running around like a mad woman, screaming at her minions who cowered in fear. She had promised that as soon as the ball started, she would be much less wound up, but he doubted that. In his experience, Upper East Side girls could never keep promises. He didn't really care anyway, he came to see one person, and he made sure he was early enough that he did not miss her.

--

The party was in full swing when they arrived. Blair had to give it to her, little J had certainly made it to the upper echelons of society. Blair and Jenny were not best friends by any means, but Jenny was related to Dan, and Dan was her best friend, so in a rare act of civility, Blair had let bygones be bygones. Anyway, Jenny may have won a few battles here and there, but Blair had won the war of high school.

"I am starving! Grab a table, B and we'll meet you over there." Vanessa led Dan into the ballroom, pulling him towards the buffet.

Blair stood at the entrance of the ballroom. It was only 9 o'clock, but the dance floor was already packed with drunken revelers dancing to a string quartet version of Linger by the Cranberries. Appropriate, since this event was allegedly supporting an anti-drunk driving charity. So Upper East Side. She walked into the room, and smiled to herself as people starting buzzing. She could hear it, it was like cicadas chirping away; everyone stared and greeted her as she walked by, but she only had her eyes peeled for one person.

Nate saw the flash of white, just as she entered the room…alone. Jenny was talking to him, but he couldn't hear a thing she was saying. All he could see was her. He didn't know how she did it. Her hair flowed over her shoulders in loose waves. Her cheeks were rosy, and her eyes sparkled with the reflection of the chandeliers hitting her irises just so. She stopped to talk with some young socialite type, smiling and being a gracious guest. Her dress shone with every step she took, dangerously revealing her legs all the way up to her thighs. If Nate didn't control himself, he would go over to her, throw her onto a table, and violate her.

Jenny waited for Nate's response to her question. He wasn't even looking at her. She followed his eye line and saw exactly what, or who, he was looking at. Even though it had been a long time, and she and Nate were just friends, Jenny couldn't help feeling a twinge of jealously. Even now, Blair was still the Queen B. She did not know why she did it, but she reflexively grabbed Nate's arm.

Nate felt her arm on his, and he looked at Jenny quizzically. What the fuck was she doing?

Blair spotted Nate standing by the bar, next to Jenny Humphrey. Jenny wrapped her arm around Nate's protectively as he stared into her eyes. Blair's forehead wrinkled, and she felt her pulse race as the violins tugged on her heart strings. It took all of two weeks for Nate to come back, flirt with her and then go running back to Jenny. How fucking typical. Her blood was boiling and the muscles in her neck tightened.

Dan spied his sister holding onto Nate's arm for dear life. He didn't even know Nate had kept contact with Jenny. He looked at Blair, who wore a look of anger and confusion. He left the buffet table and walked as quickly as he could to Blair, to run interference. He looked at her and her huge blue eyes were wet for a milisecond, but somehow, she found a tiny smile to show to everyone.

Nate stared as Dan walked over to Blair and led her to a table. So were they together? Vanessa Abrams joined the two at the table; she set a large martini in front of Blair and sat next down next to her.

He had to find out. He started off towards their table, but Jenny pulled him back. "Don't you think you should give her a little space?"

"I've given her ten years of space, so I think it's time for some answers." He walked purposefully across the dance floor, dodging waltzing couples. Everyone had their eyes on him, he could feel it. He reached their table, as Blair abruptly got up and left the table. Nate followed her, he didn't know what else to do.

"Nate, what are you doing?" she turned around and faced him. Her eyes flashed and her nose flared.

"You're the one running away from me." He looked to the ground, not wanting to look directly at her.

"Don't flatter yourself." Her tone was acerbic and it cut into him. He looked her straight in the eye. She held up her hand and showed him her pager. "It went off, I have to go to the hospital. I'm on backup and apparently lot of people are getting shot and stabbed tonight. So, yeah, it's not all about you. Sorry to burst your bubble. Have fun with your date…" she trailed off, wanting to be done with this situation.

"It's not like that."

"What's it like then? Wait, no, don't even. I don't even care because it really doesn't matter to me anymore. You haven't mattered to me for a long time now. I gotta go. Enjoy your evening." She rushed out the door and into an awaiting town car.

If Gossip Girl was still around, Nate could only imagine the headline on her blog. It would say: _Spotted: Heartbroken N getting left in B's dust…again._

And it would be completely true.

--

Nate waited in his car across the street from Blair's town home. Yes, it was as stalkerish as it sounded. It was about midnight, and he was getting extremely sleepy. Yeah, he was definitely getting old. She was bound to come home sometime though. He looked at the huge bouquet of white lilies next to him. He hoped she would be surprised to see him. He was going to confront her once and for all. He knew he had been a coward, not calling her, seeing her at the hospital or going up to her at Balthazar. He could feel that she still cared for him though, so he would do whatever he could to find out, once and for all if they had any sort of chance.

A taxi pulled up beside his car. A dark-haired guy, wearing khakis, a blue shirt and blue sweater from what looked to be Brooks Brothers stepped out and walked towards the entrance of Blair's house. He carried a garment bag and a Jack Spade laptop case. A black Lincoln stopped shortly thereafter. Blair stepped out, wearing navy blue scrubs, with her hair piled in a messy bun on top of her head, her white dress bunched up under her arms.

Her eyes lit up as she walked towards the guy. She threw her arms around him and hugged her body close to his. She kissed him and said something excitedly as she opened the door. They walked in, his hand wrapped around her back.

What was going on? That guy going home with Blair was definitely not him, and he was also definitely not Dan either.


	8. open up, everything's waiting for you

_Thanks for the comments, keep on reviewing!_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the show, not the books, not the songs._

_Rating: T to M, mostly for language_

**Never Tear Us Apart**

Chapter 8: Open up, everything's waiting for you

_Loving you, isn't the right thing to do _

_How can I, ever change things that I feel? _

_If I could, baby I'd give you my world _

_How can I, if you won't take it from me?_

_--Fleetwood Mac_

"So that was totally weird last night. Nate acted really strange towards me after you left," Dan whispered.

"Shhh…I haven't told Zach about Nate yet. But, are you surprised?" Blair felt slightly guilty. Even though both Nate and Serena had been a huge part of her life, she had never talked about them with Zach. She never talked about Serena because every guy fell in love with Serena, and Blair did not need that. She never mentioned Nate because of obvious reasons. Add that to the fact that she spent the whole night 'making love' to Zach while thinking of hot sex with Nate, so yeah, she had a lot to be guilty about.

Zach set down three steaming plates of food in front of them. "Here you guys go, Southwestern omelette for you Dan, and eggs Florentine for Vanessa. And for you sweetie, strawberry French toast." He took a seat next to Blair, smiled at her and rubbed her hand. She faked a smile right back. Suddenly, her boyfriend of two years was getting on her nerves.

Could it be because of a certain someone else who recently re-entered the picture?

"Oh God, mmm...Did I tell you how much I missed having you around, Zach?' Dan said between mouthfuls.

"Yes, it is so convenient having a professional chef at our disposal," laughed Vanessa. "How was your trip anyway?"

"It was awesome. Napa has the best restaurants, you guys have to go sometime. I mean, the food there is so simple, yet elegant. And the wine is like the purest you've ever tasted. And everything is fresh and organic. It is probably the greatest place to cook. I just hope they liked me."

"I'm sure they did, you are an amazing chef," Blair stated. She looked at him. He was Nate's height, about 6'2. He had dark-hair and tanned skin to which he could credit his mother's Italian genes. He had one hazel eye and one brown eye; the correct medical term was _heterochromatic iridis, _and it had originally been what had drawn her to him at Yale.

That and the fact that he had been there for her, when no one else had. She thought about how they met that first day. Blair had been in a particularly harsh class that semester, a writing course whose professor was some sort of sadistic freak. She had been cut down in class and embarrassed so severely, she could barely keep the vomit down as she ran out of class.

After heaving the contents of her stomach, she had felt so worthless and hopeless, she had just gone back to her dorm to cry and be completely alone. That was when she smelled the best smell in the world, freshly baked bread (not like she needed the extra carbs) in Branford's common kitchen. She wandered down the hall, and into the kitchen where she saw the cutest sight in front of her. A hot guy, listening to his iPod, kneading a huge ball of dough, oblivious to the rest of the world. She couldn't help herself, so she reached out and poked him in the back. He was so startled that he slammed his arm into a hot bread pan right out of the oven, giving him a third degree burn.

He was her first patient.

In return, he shared some of his baked goods with her. She greedily ate and ate and ate. She finished two whole loaves and felt disgusted with herself. He could see the signs, he too had gone to a prep school where girls threw up their feelings. But instead of letting her go to the bathroom to wretch with herself, he forced her to talk to him. And so began a great friendship, which naturally blossomed into more when he moved to New York to work as a sous chef.

He was good to her, he understood what being with Blair Waldorf entailed. Zach was a great guy. But, and there was always a 'but' with guys who seemed perfect, he didn't seem like he was the one for Blair. Perhaps it was because she had been holding out for someone else for so long, but to her, Zach never looked at her like she was the only one in the world. She felt like he was going through the motions sometimes, and that she was mostly an afterthought. Like this new job thing, he was definitely going to be moving out west, his food was incredible and they'd be fools not to hire him out there, but he forgot to think about his girlfriend. Blair's life was in New York. Even after residency, Blair couldn't imagine her life anywhere else.

But, Blair had been lonely for so long, and she craved the feeling of being loved so badly, so they carried on and on. Plus she was scared of being alone. She wasn't really in the relationship anymore; she hadn't been for a long time. But, the saddest thing was, he didn't even notice.

--

Vanessa stared at the computer screen, clicking the mouse over and over again. She loved going over her hours of footage during the editing process. The alone time was just what she needed to relax. She looked over at Dan and smiled. He was sleeping, with one arm draped over his head, on their couch. Ten years together and she couldn't love him more.

She looked at the screen, there was the footage from the day she was filming Dan and Blair at Balthazar, without them knowing. The two people she cared about most in the world. Blair, although an unlikely friend, was so loyal and generous when she wasn't conniving and malicious. She put her feelings for Jenny aside and helped her and Dan plan the most perfect surprise wedding for them, even going so far as to help Jenny with the fittings on a wedding dress that was perfect. Blair deserved the same happiness, and although Zach was a nice guy, he wasn't the guy she was going to end up with. Vanessa just knew.

Vanessa kept rolling through film, stopping every once and a while to look at the shot. A guy in gym shorts and a faded hoodie walked in front of her screen for a split second. She paused the film and slowed the scene down. Yep, it was definitely him. She tracked him as he stood in line for the bakery, and as he noticed her two companions sitting together in the restaurant. She could not have scripted this better herself.

She now knew why Nate had been acting so strangely towards Dan. And she knew whom she had to call.

--

"Fancy seeing you here, Mr. Archibald." Vanessa stood up and gave Nate a big hug.

"Well, your message was pretty urgent, I thought someone had died or something…What's the deal anyway? I haven't seen you since…yesterday…"

Nate stepped inside the coffee house he so frequently visited in his youth. Older and more dingy, but still had the same Brooklyn charm.

"Have you had any Balthazar's lately?" Nate looked at her, what was she leading on to…

"Yes…why? Are you stalking me?"

"Well, not intentionally, but look…" she turned on her camera for him to see the playback.

"I was there. I remember." He shut the camera off.

"I was also there, taping this for a documentary I'm doing. I just so happened to notice you looking at a certain table there."

"Right, and your point?" Nate had forgotten how nosy Vanessa could be.

"Not that this has anything to do with them, but Blair and Dan are not together…I mean, just as an aside." Nate's eyes lit up.

"Oh really…" there was a hint of a hopeful tone in Nate's voice.

"Yeah, I should know, since I'm carrying a child that belongs to one of those people…and while science has made leaps and bounds since I've seen you, it's not Blair's."

"Well, congratulations. But, I'm still not sure how this applies to me."

"Oh it doesn't. But, I mean just as an unrelated note, Blair is single. She's unattached and I think you should try catching up with her. Not that I heard or anything, but your friendship still would mean a lot to her. And I think it probably means a lot to you, too." So she lied a little, no one was ever hurt by a little white lie.

He looked at her, if Blair was so single, who was the guy she was very publicly making out with at 1 AM then? "Why doesn't she call me?"

"You know Blair, she would never let you see her vulnerable. Are you kidding? She'd rather live the rest of her life alone. You know that."

"I do know that…but, why are you telling me this?" Nate questioned Vanessa's motives, but she was Blair's friend now, and he always felt like he could trust Vanessa. She was always real. She was giving him this new opportunity to go after Blair, and maybe he would just take it.

"Well, Nate, you're my friend. You've always gotten me. Blair's become a really great friend of mine too, and I want to see this thing between you guys get resolved. You both deserve it, and I know it's been eating her inside for a long time. I'm kind of here to extend the olive branch. Also, I kind of need a favor from you…"

"And there it is…the real reason you've called. Well then I guess I have no other choice then, do I?"

* * *

_I promise next chapter will have a lot of N/B, remember to review..._


	9. 2 strangers learn to fall in love again

_So, this one is a pretty long chapter, with a lot of N/B like I promised because I probably won't really be able to update much this week. Also, very nice pick up for those of you who noticed that Blair's guy's name is Zach, like the character on the OC...that is why I named him that, but I picture him more looking like Adrien Grenier...or completely different than Nate. Let me know how the story is going and enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing. _

_Rating: T to M, mostly for language_

**Never Tear Us Apart**

Chapter 9: two strangers learn to fall in love again

Blair had only been sitting outside for five minutes, but the sun was already making her skin hot. Even though it was eight o'clock, it was still about ninety degrees, and she wished that Vanessa and Dan would get here already. Zach was working the dinner service and would not be home until much later, so Blair was guiltily relishing the time she had to herself before she had to face another Monday. She also had the strangest thing to tell them. She got a text message earlier from a Chicago area code number that stated simply, "I'm sorry for being a jerk." She knew who it was from, but it was just so random. Maybe all of this was finally done. She stretched her long legs out and pulled down the bottom of her skintight Herve Leger dress.

She took a long sip of iced tea and watched as Dan and Vanessa walked towards her hand in hand. They were too cute. "Hey guys, you are making me sick you're so cute."

"Aw, thanks, B, that was a fine attempt at a compliment coming from you," Dan smirked. "Sorry, we're late."

"Well, if you guys didn't live all the way out in DUMBO, maybe I wouldn't have to wait for you all the time," Blair retorted wryly.

"Hey, not my fault," Dan said, smiling at Vanessa, "Someone got sidetracked by a Sabrette cart and two hotdogs later, we're here." Vanessa punched him in the arm and laughed.

"I was hungry." She shrugged at her husband. Vanessa had called together this impromptu meeting for some reason. Dan couldn't put his finger on it, but he knew something was up. "Anyway, are you guys ready for some karaoking?" she asked happily.

"I'm ready to kick some ass, if that's what you mean," Blair grabbed her arm and led her up to stairs to the entrance of their favorite Japanese restaurant/private karaoke bar.

--

Vanessa laughed as Dan surprisingly fared very nicely at "Man, I feel like a woman." When Dan karaoked, he had this interesting habit of thrusting his hips from side to side and closing his eyes to get totally into the moment. Once in a great while, he'd also bust out some jazz hands that would send both girls rolling on the floor. Blair busted out laughing when Dan starting making the "Ooh, Ooh!" noises and doing pelvic thrusts during the choruses.

"I get to pick Blair's song next!" Vanessa flipped through the catalog. "Oh my god, Journey. Only the cheesiest, bestest song ever…"

The opening piano notes started playing.

"Today is your lucky day, little lady, because I love this song and know all the words…" Blair started singing perfectly in time.

_Highway run, into the midnight sun_

_Wheels go round and round, in my mind_

_Restless hearts…sleep alone tonight_

_Sending all my love on the wire_

Dan leaned over to Vanessa, "This wasn't that good of a choice, it's neither embarrassing nor creepy…thus making it too easy for Blair." She mugged at them as she exaggerated her singing voice.

"Oh, it's about to get more interesting…just about now," Vanessa smiled widely, looking like a cat who'd just killed a very tasty canary.

_They say that the road ain't no time to start a family_

_Right down the line its been you and me_

_Lovin' a music man ain't always what it's supposed to be_

_Oh, boy you stand by me_

_I'm forever yours…faithfully_

The screen door slid open just as Blair was belting out the chorus. She stopped mid-sentence. "Nate!" Blair gripped the microphone, letting the words tick by on the monitor.

"Keep singing, you're losing points!" She kept on singing if only to distract her from what was transpiring before her.

_Circus life, under the big top world_

_We all need a clown_

_To make us smile_

_Through space and time_

_Only another shore_

_Wondering where I am, lost without you_

_And being apart ain't easy on this love affair_

_Two strangers learn to fall in love again…_

"Nate, what are you doing here, man?" Dan quickly looked at Vanessa, who averted his sight.

"Vanessa thought it would be fun to get together again." She winked at him.

"Oh, did she? Imagine that." Dan stated, giving his wife a sideways glance. He pointed to a box that Nate had brought. "What's that?"

"It's a surprise, you'll see in a bit," Nate did not look at Dan, but instead kept his eyes on Blair, who was now fidgeting with the microphone and with her hair.

Nate slow clapped as the song ended and she jumped from the stage. "Bravo, Blair, who knew you were a such a songbird?"

"Oh, just you wait until I pick a song for you, Archibald." She reached over his arm, almost grazing it with her chest, grabbing her drink.

He leaned in close and scoffed back, "Bring it." Blair's lips curled into a smirk as she continued to drink. Vanessa grabbed the mic from Blair and started dancing and singing along to Amy Grant's Baby, Baby. She pulled Blair up with her as the two sang hideously off key, but kept laughing, singing, and shaking their butts anyway. Vanessa made a come hither motion to Dan, who was pretending not to know her at all.

After their duet ended, both girls collapsed at the table, Blair reaching for her long island iced tea for some more liquid courage. She had already been a little tipsy prior to singing the song, but now she was definitely going to have to be drunk to get through this little encounter. She threw the mic at Nate, who reluctantly got up to sing Aqua's Barbie Girl. Nate remembered the summer that song came out, seven year old Serena and Blair blasted it on the Southampton beach probably three hundred thousand times. He hated the song, but he loved it at the same time. Vanessa and Blair danced with each other at the table, screaming, "Come on Barbie, let's go party…" along with Nate.

"I just died of embarrassment up there," Nate shook his head.

"Haven't you learned that you can't mess with a Waldorf?"

"Oh, all too well." He looked at her pointedly.

Vanessa cleared her throat. "So, guys there's a reason I wanted you all to be here. Dan and I have been together for ten years now in a couple of weeks, so I thought we'd celebrate the occasion a little early this year. So with the help of my accomplice, Nate," he handed the box to her, "Dan, I love you and I have a little surprise for you."

"Aw, you are so sweet." He opened the box which was filled with cupcakes frosted in pastel colors. Each had a different letter on them. "Apparently, this baker was dyslexic…"

"It's a puzzle…" offered Vanessa.

"And here I thought you wanted it to read ADNOYDBE ORUABGND DOIGTEA," he laughed, sounding out the letters.

"There's numbers underneath the cupcakes!" Blair pointed out loudly. They all looked at her, and she hiccupped, clamping her hand over her mouth.

"Well, thanks to Waldorf's excellent drunken observation skills, we will put these little babies in order…and what do we have…DAN YOURE GOING TO BE A DADDY." Blair's eyes lit up. Dan needed only a second to comprehend what he just read aloud. "I'm going to be a daddy? Are you serious?" Vanessa nodded furiously, "I can't believe this, this is amazing!" Nate shook his hand and Blair gave Vanessa a hug. Blair gave Nate a smile and then jumped up.

"We have to plan a shower! And we have to get he or she on the waiting list for Constance or St Jude's like now. And if we can't, I know someone in administration at Collegiate…and I could probably pull a few strings at Spence…" Blair took out her phone and started scrolling through the contact list.

"Easy, Blair. I only found out a few days ago…let's just take things slowly. But, oh my god, I'm having a baby!" The girls screamed.

--

After the initial shock wore off, Blair pulled Vanessa away, leaving Dan and Nate at the table.

"So," Dan nodded awkwardly, "what's up?" Nate shrugged, watching Blair drag Vanessa off forcefully.

"I can't believe you invited him!" Blair said in a hushed yell.

"I needed bipartisan helper, someone who wouldn't spill the secret."

"I would totally kill you, but oh my god, you're having a baby!"

"I know! You're totally going to be its godmother. Think of all the things it needs!" Blair smiled warmly at her friend. This was the most exciting thing to ever happen and she was glad to share it with them.

After the excitement stalled for a little bit, Dan and Vanessa decided to start making their way home, as Dan had to call everyone he knew. Blair was so happy for her two friends, she could barely wipe the smile off her face. This did not go unnoticed by Nate. He had not seen her this happy, since...ever. "So, it's getting kind of late."

"So, should I walk you home?"

"Nate, my house is like thirty blocks from here."

"It's a nice night, and it's cooling down a bit." He looked at her with those green eyes. How could she resist?

"Yeah, okay." They walked in silence for the first few blocks, not even really looking at each other. "So…how's your dad."

"He's good. Mom's got like 24 hour nursing care for him at home, so he's pretty comfortable."

"Good. That's good." More silence.

"Do you have to work tomorrow?"

"Yep bright and early, rounds start at 6."

"Ouch."

"It's not so bad, " he raised his eyebrows at her, "It's not!" She slapped his arm, and turned bright red.

"Well, what could be so bad about putting fake boobs into people? I'd love to have that job," he smirked.

"I'm sure you would, perv. You'd be surprised, it's really not that much cosmetic stuff. Mostly repairing ulcers on old people's butts." She wrinkled her nose.

"She said, in true Blair Waldorf style…So, did you get my message?"

"I did. I accept your apology."

"Good."

"Good." She looked at him, and then kept walking, staring straight ahead.

"I meant it. For everything, you know like from the day I left until the other night."

"Okay. It doesn't really change what happened."

"I know." He bowed his head down, she was right.

"We're not in high school anymore, Nate. It doesn't have to be this awkward. Like, I get it. You want me to forgive you and I do. It's fine."

"So, friends?" He stuck his hand out. She shook it.

"Friends…So, friend, when are you leaving?" She didn't really believe they could just be friends, but sure, whatever. If he could trick himself into thinking that, so could she.

"Already trying to get rid of me, I see how it is…I'm going back to Chicago in two weeks, but I'm actually moving out here pretty soon." Blair looked at him standing there looking hot in his light blue polo and jeans. There was nothing that she needed less than to have him move back to the UES, but nothing she wanted more.

"Why?"

"Why not? My family and friends are out here, and it seems like the time to do it. My dad's not in the best shape, so as his only child, I think I should be there for him now."

"Understandable. So are you dating Jenny Humphrey?"

"Nice transition. No, I'm not dating little J, but we ran into each other the other day, and she invited me to the gala."

"It's a nice little transformation that little J made, isn't it?"

"Yeah, she learned from the best didn't she, Queen B?"

Blair chuckled. No one called her that in years. "I'm not her any more. A lot can happen in ten years. I mean, I actually cook…for myself."

"No way. And it's edible?" she gave him a glare and then laughed.

"Hey, my boyfriend is a chef, so I know my way around the kitchen." His stomach did a flip-flop, but he recovered quickly.

"My ex-girlfriend was a model, but that doesn't mean I can walk a runway."

"That's because walking isn't a skill, Nate. You either can or you can't."

"Tell that to models, they make a huge deal out of 'walking' like it's some sort of foreign concept. I guess that's why it didn't really work out."

"Poor you, what'd you have to do, date a model who only does catalogs?"

"Actually, no, not unless you count Playboy as a catalog." She rolled her eyes, and somehow felt very envious and self-conscious.

"I hope you kept contact with all your ex-girlfriends in case they may need some touch ups in the future or want to go bigger on their implants, give them my card."

"Whoa, burn." Did he hint a touch of bitterness in her tone?

"Just thinking of business."

"Sure you are. Well, I'm proud of you, and I admire you. You've really matured and are responsible and shit now. I'm mean, you're a surgeon, you have people's lives in your hands."

"I wouldn't say I've matured that much, you make me sound like some sort of diety or something. I think just evolved a little bit. I'm still the same old Blair who watches Breakfast at Tiffany's, whenever I can. I'm still the same old Blair who yells when I want something in my size at Bendels."

He chuckled, remembering all too well. "Nevertheless it's still a change. So you said you have a boyfriend?"

She paused. "Actually yeah, I'm dating this guy I met at Yale. We didn't date there, but we ran into each other a few years ago at some Met gala, I think, and we just kind of struck it up."

"So it's serious." He looked at the ground as he walked, and put his hands into his pockets.

"Yeah, it kind of is." Blair slowed her pace of walking, tiptoeing along in her Horatio Christian Louboutin sling backs. The clacking of her heels was a nice departure from the awkwardness.

"Oh." Nate grew quiet. "Blair?" He took her tiny hand into his big hand.

She stopped at looked at his face. "Yes?"

"We're here." He paused as she looked up at her building. She started towards it, but he pulled her back. "When I said I was sorry, I meant that I was sorry for ever letting you get away." She turned to him. He leaned in and softly kissed her lips. She parted her own lips slightly, then hastily pulled back.

"What'd you do that for?!" she hissed. He looked down at her, his eyes shining. She tasted as salty and sweet as he remembered.

"Do you think we would have ever made it?" he whispered. She thought about it for a long time.

"No, Nate, I don't think so. Not the way we were." She was still reeling from his lips on hers.

"Well then, I'm glad I got to see how it was to kiss you again. Goodnight." He turned and walked away, leaving Blair speechless and breathless all at once.

* * *

_Faithfully by Journey_


	10. where disappointment and regret collide

_Here's the next chapter, please keep reviewing, is anyone is even reading this story anymore? Regardless, enjoy!_

**Never Tear Us Apart**

Chapter 10: where disappointment and regret collide

_There's no blame for how our love did slowly fade,  
And now that it's gone it's like it wasn't there at all,  
And here I rest where disappointment and regret collide  
Lying awake at night..._

_-Death Cab for Cutie_

Blair walked into her bedroom and flopped onto the bed. Did that really just happen? Did Nate Archibald, the boy whom she thought she would marry when she was young, just kiss her? What did it all mean? He obviously did not want to be just friends, and she'd be lying if she said she wanted to be friends too.

There were so many questions she had. Why did Vanessa invite Nate? Why did he even show up? What was going on with him and Serena? What was she going to tell Zach? Why couldn't this have happened ten years ago?

Blair cursed silently, if Gossip Girl was still around, she would have known all of the answers to these questions and more.

She replayed the moment she felt the soft pressure of his lips on hers over and over again in her mind. He was soft, slow, gentle, but forceful...a far departure from what he used to be. When he was a teenager, he was fast, sloppy, rough and always over eager. Always rushing through the kisses to get to the part where he could get her bra off. The kisses had always been her favorite part. She wondered who is was that taught him how to stop and slow down; she wanted to thank her.

She pictured his bright eyes in her mind as he pulled away from her, staring at her once before turning and disappearing into the New York City night, his back to her, not seeing her reaction as he left. She was glad he hadn't turned around. She had wanted to say something, say anything, but nothing came to mind. She didn't know what would have happened if he had, but she knew she probably would not be able to control it. Everything could have been so different.

She wondered what he was doing at this very moment. She hoped he was lying in bed, thinking about her. Because she could not stop thinking about him.

In fact, Nate _was_ thinking about her as he slipped out of his clothes and stepped into the shower. He was normally a morning shower guy, but he needed a cleanse, he had to wash everything away. From the second her lips parted and his name was uttered from her lips that morning in the hospital, he knew he had to hold her again. And he made good on that promise tonight. The laugh lines around her pouty mouth were so delicate, each with a story behind it's creation. He wondered if it was her boyfriend who had made her smile that much to leave a permanent reminder of himself on her. He wished he could have been there as each was formed; if she would let him see her again, all he wanted was to make her smile.

All he wanted to kiss every last line on her face, but for now, he would settle for just kissing her lips. The opportunity had presented itself, so he had to seize her and take her back to where they once had been. The stunned look on her face, the half-sigh escaping from her parted lips. He never thought he would ever see her in this light ever again, but it happened. And he would make it happen again. As he ran his fingers through his cold water soaked hair, he knew what all that stuff in those sappy movies meant. He just wanted to be around her, to make her his, to push her down on his bed and show her his world.

But he'd be a fool to think things hadn't change and think that things would be easy for them now. They weren't naive little kids anymore. They couldn't just feign indifference or ignorance. They couldn't blame their mistakes on other people. They were adults, responsible, consenting adults who would have to accept the consequences of any actions. He was ready and he would deal with anything that came his way; he just had to figure out a way to make Blair feel the same.

He shut the jet stream of water off, reaching for a towel to dry his cold body off. He thought the cool water would help him forget that he was going to bed alone tonight, but it only reinforced the fact that he would do everything in his power to take Blair to bed with him.

--

She lifted her desk chair and dragged it to the closet. She stepped on it, reaching for the highest shelf at a Manolo Blahnik boot box. She jumped off and blew the dust off the top. She lifted the top and looked at the contents. Pictures, dozens of pictures of her and Nate. Them kissing in Central Park, hanging out on the Charlotte, family trips, parties, dinners. She blew some dust off of a CD case, remembering when Nate made her the mix before senior year. She popped the CD into her computer and marveled at how old those songs really were as Jay Z's rap in the beginning of Rihanna's Umbrella started. She had the announcement from her Debutante Ball, and pictures and dried corsages from all of the school dances they attended. Newspaper cut outs of him playing lacrosse, movie ticket stubs. The ticket from the first concert they ever went to together, Simple Plan, when they were 12. She had it all there. There was label from the champagne bottle they shared from the night she lost her virginity to him and a souvenir pewter mini Empire State Building, where they'd had one of their first official dates (she had been enamored with An Affair to Remember and Sleepless in Seattle, so she insisted). She was so obsessed with him back then. Most of the memories of Nate and of her high school years had been packed up and stored away when her parents moved to Los Angeles, but Blair had kept only the most romantic notes, Valentine's, birthday cards she had received from him over the years, close at hand. She hadn't looked at this stuff for months and honestly, she shouldn't have kept all of this stuff, but she could not let him go.

The guitar strummed the opening notes to Hey There Delilah and she was once again transported back to her 17 year old self. The first time she'd heard that song, he had been with him, lying in his bed on some Saturday morning, listening to the radio. Even though it was the first time they'd heard it, he'd picked up the lyrics very fast and sung them to her as she lazily rested in his arms. The moment had been perfect, just as they had once been.

She shuffled the contents around until she found the last present Nate had ever given her, a bracelet from Tiffany that she had only worn once. He had their initials engraved on it. She traced each link, and placing it around her thin wrist. She heard some shuffling up the stairs, and quickly closed the box and threw it into the back of her closet, covering it up with a pile of clothing. She tried to undo the clasp of her bracelet, but it was caught.

"Hey Blair?" Zach walked through the door and dropped his chef's jacket on the bed. "Wow, this song is really old." He sat down and started removing his clothes. She walked out of her closet, hiding the bracelet behind her back.

"Hey, what's up? How was your night?" She kissed him on the cheek.

"Pretty busy, one of the waiters didn't show up, so we were backed up, etc. Same old shit. What'd you and Danessa end up doing?"

"Karaoke. It was fun." The cool metal seared into her flesh, feeling much heavier than it should.

"Cool." Silence. Blair could not speak, she did not want to let on to her betrayal. Not now. "So, I have to talk to you about something." Blair sighed. It was late and she was already overwhelmed enough for one night.

"Can't this wait for tomorrow?" she said abruptly, immediately regretting her tone. He didn't notice. His face grew somber in the soft glow from her bedside lamp. She immediately paid attention, maybe this conversation was not what she was expecting.

"I'd rather get this out now," she looked at him expectantly, "Look, I have been thinking a lot about us and about how I'm planning to move out west. I know that you're not going to be able to join me right now because you still have like three years left, but I think we can make it work." Blair looked at him like he was crazy. He took her hands in his and looked into his eyes and she suddenly felt incredibly guilty because of what happened earlier. Her stomach grumbled angrily. What was she doing?

He twisted her arm around to admire her bracelet. "This is nice. Is it new?" She nodded, the weight of the statement was comparable to the weight of the bracelet dangling from her arm.

She hesitated, "Zach, I don't know." She looked everywhere but his face.

"You don't have to answer anything now, but Blair just hear me out. We've been together for two years. You've been the one to stand by me and encourage me to do all of this. I know a lot can happen when we're like five thousand miles apart, but you can come out and visit me. And I'll try to come back here. And who knows what might happen, you may even want to move out West one day."

She didn't. New York was her home. For the second time in one night, she was speechless. He looked so hopeful, she felt a small tug in her chest.

"Look, I'm willing to try and make this work okay? I just want you to know that. I'm not going to try to trap you with some promise of us being together forever, but I just need you to know that. Okay? You know that I'm in this thing." She looked up at him, and he kissed the top of her head. "Goodnight, sweetie." He headed into the bathroom and she heard him turn the shower on. There once was a time when she had fire for her boyfriend; she would've slinked in and joined him in the shower, but instead she climbed underneath the covers and tried to forget their conversation until long after he finished showering and wordlessly crept into bed next to her.

Blair didn't know what to say or think or do. Now she had even more questions. Would this long distance thing ever work? They barely saw each other now and they practically lived together. She basically cheated on him and he was in the same city, so how could she promise to be faithful to him if he lived so far away? Was there any passion left? Was there any passion to begin with? What about Nate? She finally twisted the bracelet off her arm, letting it drop onto the comforter.

She thought about the biggest question of all, if he was so devoted to her, how come she didn't hear those all important three little words?


	11. i will learn to survive

_I will try to update with another chapter in the next few days, which will have more N/B interaction, but keep reviewing!_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the show, not the books, not the songs_

_Rating: T to M, mostly for language_

**Never Tear Us Apart**

Chapter 11: I will learn to survive

_What is happening to me _

_Crazy some say _

_Where is my friend when I need you most _

_Gone away… _

_I won't cry for yesterday_

_There's an ordinary world somehow I have to find_

_ --Duran Duran_

"Blair. Blair. Blair!" she felt a nudge on her shoulder.

"Huh? Oh, hey, what's up?" she looked up from her breakfast tray at her fellow residents.

"What's up? You weren't on call last night, so that wouldn't explain it. Are you on drugs Blair? I hear the Circe Lodge is a great rehab facility. Say hi to Britney for us," her chief resident, Joe teased, nudging her shoulder.

"Yeah, sure." Blair picked at the plate of runny scrambled eggs.

"Wow, this is serious. You didn't even laugh at Joe's attempt to be funny…which actually is pretty normal, so never mind," the fourth year resident, Adam stated. He set his tray down beside hers. "Hey, are you going to eat that cereal?"

"Have at it," Blair sighed. She stared out the window dreamily. Adam grabbed her cereal and high-fived Pete, the other fourth year.

Laura, the junior resident and only other female, gave Blair a funny look. "Blair, I'm going to go ahead and do that flap with Johanssen today. He said you are a terrible resident and that he never wants to work with you ever again. Oh yeah, your haircut sucks and we hate your headbands." Pete's eyes widened, he knew how Blair could get. They all knew how Blair could get.

"Oh, okay. Have fun." Blair did not look up from her breakfast; she did not catch the looks of wonderment on her colleagues faces.

"Boys, this is more serious that I thought. Blair is in love." Laura stated, wide-eyed.

"No, I'm not!" Blair retorted. Her cheeks turned a deep crimson.

"Ah, so we finally get a rise out of you," Adam said between mouthfuls of food.

"Sorry guys. I've just got a lot of stuff on my mind. I'm also a kickass resident and my headbands are awesome, by the way." Blair smirked.

"Oh snap, the bitch is back. So, what's going on…surgery stuff or muggle stuff?" Joe asked.

"Muggle stuff," Blair laughed.

"Come on, you can tell us. We are your family away from your family. Only difference is that we'll probably judge you much less," Pete raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah, in the three years I've known you, I've never seen you like this. I mean, this is kind of scaring me," Joe said, his voice serious.

Blair hesitated, did she really want to tell them? At least they were a neutral party.

"Well…this guy I used to date came back into town recently. And we've run into each other a few times, and even though its been a long time, the stuff between us is still there, you know?"

"Oh man, girl stuff!" Pete whined, as Laura smacked him.

"Wait, so how long has it been since you've seen him? Joe asked.

"10 years." The guys eyes all bugged out.

"Did it end well?" Laura interjected.

"No, we were supposed to go to Yale together than he left to go sail around the world. Oh, and I found out he had slept with my best friend a few times while we were on a semi-break."

"Okay, sounds like a winner. How long did you date?"

"Like, since we were in kindergarten." Everyone's eyes lit up. They didn't know what else to say.

"Well, is he still hot?" Laura asked eagerly. The guys all rolled their eyes.

"So hot. That's one problem," Blair admitted.

"Umm…Blair, what about Zach?" Adam implored, as everyone had almost forgotten about that other little detail.

"Yeah, what about Zach. That's problem number two. He just got back from California. He doesn't know who this guy is, or that he even exists, and I'll probably try to keep it that way. Anyway, Zach and I had a serious conversation yesterday about his career. He didn't propose, but he made like a promise or something…like we're in high school or whatnot. He seems to think that we can do the long distance thing with him out there and me here. I mean, at first he was like, you can eventually move out here when you're done with residency, and you know that's not apart of the plan."

"Right. But, at least he's thinking of a future between you. Did you say yes?" Laura stated with interest.

"I didn't say anything…it's not feasible. I don't know. It would be one thing if he lived in Connecticut or Boston, but California? That's like so left coast."

"So do you want to get back with this other guy?" Joe was the voice of reason, and he wanted Blair to consider all her options.

"I mean, I loved him at one point. Actually, I loved him my whole life. When I was in high school, he was it for me, all I wanted was to marry him and wear his grandmother's diamond on my finger. My life was all about being with him. And I guess when I saw him again, all of those memories kind of came back. It's not fair to Zach though, and it sort of is not fair to me either because that guy hurt me once upon a time…you know?" They all nodded, but this was a side of the fierce Blair Waldorf that they had never experienced.

Pete got up and pushed in his chair, "Well, you've got problems. But I think you know what is right, and you know what you have to do. And if that doesn't work out, you know you've always got me. I will step up to the plate and console you…preferably in bed…that's right I went there," he smirked, "Anyway, gots to go, demoralization and humiliation in the OR awaits." Laura, Adam, and Pete rushed off towards the pre-operative area, leaving Joe and Blair to finish their breakfasts.

"So, does that guy want to get back with you now?" Joe asked earnestly.

Blair sighed, "I think so, which makes things so much more fucked up. I know what the right thing is, but I'm not sure that's what I want."

"I know it sounds cheesy, and you'll probably never hear anything like this come out of my mouth ever again, but you kind of have to follow your heart, no matter how scary it is, no matter how it's going to affect your life or others around you. I mean, I followed a girl to London instead of going directly to med school. I may be a lot older now, but I'm a lot happier that I did, because she makes me happy. You have to do what makes you happy. Life is short, and I know we've picked a profession where it's hard to find that balance between work and life. I don't want you to miss out on anything worthwhile. I know you will do the right thing for you."

"It's fucking hard though."

"I know, but you've done harder things. Just last week, you reconstructed a hand that had been totally fucked with a table saw while your attending screamed at you. And I too went to private school in New York, so I what kinds of things you endured there. You're hardcore Blair, I don't worry about you. But, I don't want to see anything affecting your work, you've worked way too hard for this."

"Thanks, but I'm fine. I've got a whole weekend off next weekend, and I'm going to the Hamptons…but I assume he'll be there, since one of his best friends' is throwing this big thing, but after that I'll probably never even see him again."

--

Nate whistled as he walked into his town home. He had a lot to be happy about. He kissed his girl last night and knew that she felt the same electricity as he had…now it was only time before she would succumb to his efforts to woo her away from him. He refused to acknowledge him as Blair's boyfriend. And he wouldn't be her boyfriend by the end of the summer, that was Nate's goal. She was slowing cracking, too.

"Nathaniel, you are in a good mood." His mother sat at their nook table, reading the newspaper.

"Yeah, I went for a bike ride through Central Park. It's great to be back in the city. It's just a lot nicer being home."

"Well, we are glad you're here, especially your father. He's so happy you are moving back."

"I know, so am I. The condo will be ready in a few weeks, and I'll start moving my stuff in…so everything is looking up and up."

"Oh, I almost forgot. Serena called earlier for you, how is that girl doing anyway?"

His smile widened, "She's great. I gotta go call her back though." Nate punched his speed dial until he heard her sunny voice on the other line. She picked up on the second ring.

"Hey Natie. How's it going?" she was sitting in her makeup chair, dozens of people buzzing around her with brushes, blowdryers, curlers, trying to get the big star ready for the camera.

"Great. Sounds like you're in a wind tunnel, I assume your life is a whirlwind as usual. Are you coming back anytime soon?"

"Nah, probably in a few weeks, I'm finishing up filming this week. Plus, I'm trying to avoid my mother, who was livid over that shoot in _Rolling Stone_. I mean, she used to take photos for the magazine, and now she's upset that her daughter is in it. Can we say hypocrite?"

"Well, you weren't really wearing clothes," he smiled into the phone. Serena Van der Woodsen was still as scandalous as ever, except the paparazzi were there to see it all now.

"Formalities, Nathaniel. The guitar was strategically placed. Anyway, did you converse with our friend Blair?"

"I have conversed with her, yes."

"I conversed with her late last night. She told me about your little encounter." She could tell that he was grinning on the other line. He was that obvious.

"And…"

"She was a little confused by it, since she had told you about her boyfriend moments prior. Nice move there, kissing a girl who's already spoken for."

"Now it's your turn to be the hypocrite, Serena. The presence of a significant other has never stopped you, has it? Anyway, she shouldn't have sent mixed signals."

"Mixed signals, Blair? Noooo," she replied, her voice filled with sarcasm. "Well regardless, I think you are going to have to step up your game," she took on a more serious tone.

"Oh, I am planning on it. Game on." Nate smiled as he pictured himself kissing Blair's soft lips.

"I mean, soon. She told me that Zach is planning on moving out West, but that he told her that he wanted to stay together until she was done with residency."

"That's ridiculous. Did he give her a promise ring and promise to write everyday too?" Nate huffed, suddenly not feeling so confident.

"No, but you better make sure he moves out there and doesn't slip an engagement ring on that finger."

"That would never happen."

"Never say never, Nate. Apparently, he asked Vanessa if Blair ever talked about any specific rings and cuts. And of course, Vanessa told Blair which kind of freaked her out."

Nate watched as the blood drained out of his fingers as he gripped his phone hard.

"I hope she told him that Blair wanted my grandmother's Vanderbilt ring."

Serena could sense the tension in Nate's voice. "I'm sure it's nothing, and you shouldn't worry. I mean, she's got three more years at least in New York. What are they supposed to do, fly back and forth every week? I know I do a lot of flying, but that's just terrible," Serena replied.

"Well, I have to go, but I'll keep you updated. Bye." He clicked the phone off. Nate did not like what he was hearing. _He_ was supposed to happen, as soon as this other guy was dropped from the picture.

He had to act quickly though. Looked like time was running out.


	12. i just wanted to hold you in my arms

_As I promised, a mostly N/B centered chapter with the tiniest sprinkling of Chuck. Even though this story is based on the books, I still followed the show in terms of Chuck and Blair hooking up...just not to the extent as on the show. I'm glad you are liking the way I write Nate because I think he deserves to be much more multidimensional than he is on the show; and I at least try to make Serena a little interesting, even though I find her character to be pretty bland most of the time. Keep commenting, I love hearing what you guys think about the story. Enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the books, not the show, not the songs._

_Rating: T to M, mostly for language_

**Never Tear Us Apart**

Chapter 12: i just wanted to hold you in my arms

_Far away,  
This ship has taken me far away,  
Far away from the memories...  
Of the people who care if I live or die.  
I'll never let you go,  
If you promise not to fade away,  
Never fade away_

_--Muse_

Blair let the wind whip through her hair before pulling the headscarf through it to make a makeshift headband. She curled her toes into the terrycloth towel and enjoyed her mojito by the pool as she turned her iPod up. The Pixies' Here Comes Your Man blasted through her ears, and she couldn't help but smile. The song always reminded her of a carefree summer even though it was about an atomic bomb. Vanessa sat next to her, reading the book of all parenting books, _What to Expect When You're Expecting_.

"Ladies, looking very sexy as usual," Chuck grinned at both girls as he leaned down between them. Blair thought he looked ridiculous as usual, wearing a red and white striped tank, tight navy shorts that ended about mid-thigh, and a short white scarf tied around his neck. He looked like Mick Jagger, circa 1965. Hell, maybe that's what he was going for.

"Wish we could say the same for you, Chuck," Blair retorted with a smile.

"Is that any way to treat your host?" he said with a snarl.

"Well, thanks for putting my bags in your bedroom, Chuck, but I think I'll share a room with my husband," Vanessa stated.

"Oh excuse me for being inconsiderate…he can watch if he wants." She rolled her eyes in response.

"Give it a rest, Chuck. We're tired and it's so hot," Blair shielded her face from the sun.

"That's what she said...Can I get you more refreshments? Blair, another mojito or margarita? Vanessa another tonic water with lime?" They both shook their heads no.

Blair shifted in her lounger. Her oversized Chanel sunglasses shielded her face from the sunlight, but she felt so uncomfortable. Perhaps it was because Zach had pretty much asked her to commit to him, and she had not answered his question. She loved Zach, he was a good guy, a great person, a great cook. But that's all he was, she could only describe him as good, great, or nice. He didn't excite her, he didn't keep her guessing. He was predictable, and being with him had made her life predictable, which was just flat out boring. When Blair looked at him, she saw a solid, cool person. She did not see a person whom she shared passion and fire with, and maybe she needed something like him to tie her down to the ground, but for now that's not what she was looking for. But then again, she wasn't really that young anymore…

And then there was Nate…

Blair got up from her seat and made her way into the house. Maybe she'd have another drink after all. She walked into the kitchen, and rested her palms against the cool marble countertop. Maybe she was getting sick. She felt really weak.

She heard a man's laughter coming from the foyer. She knew that laugh. She was not ready for the person who accompanied that laugh. But from the hall he emerged, looking perfectly undone in a pair of khaki shorts and a white polo.

"Hi Blair." He did a quick once over, good god, she was sexy. Her breasts looked extra perky in the multi-colored bandeau bikini top. He imagined how it would be to touch them moving down her perfectly sculpted abs, going lower…

He had to stop thinking about her before he needed to jump into the pool to cool off.

She turned around to face him…and his date? A rail thin blonde clung to his arm as if she would blow away if she didn't have something heavy to hang on to.

"Hi, Nate!" she said with a little too much enthusiasm.

"This is Shelly. Shelly, this is my old friend Blair." Blair slightly winced. Did he just call her old?

The two exchanged pleasantries. Nate noticed Blair looked a little pale. "Are you okay?" he smiled inside, if he knew Blair, he knew she had to be burning with jealousy. This was all going perfectly.

"Yeah, a little too much alcohol and sun." Blair felt faint and needed to sit or lay down now. "See you guys in a little bit, I'm going to go make a phone call."

She teetered out of the room and barely made it to her room where she collapsed on the bed. The room spun as she splashed some water from a bottle onto her face. Was Nate really with a date? It was probably selfish, but after that kiss a week ago, she thought he would be trying a little harder for her. She certainly was trying to look her best, wearing her new Missoni bikini and wrap. She thought she looked pretty hot, if she did say so herself. She closed her eyes and covered them with her arms to relieve the dizziness. Maybe he was going to leave her alone after all. She wasn't sure that was actually what she wanted.

She didn't know what she wanted.

"Blair?" She felt a slight nudge. She opened her eyes slowly, and saw his face inches from hers. He was kneeling on the floor, his face wore a look of concern.

"Hi," she looked around in a daze, "I must've fallen asleep." She wiped a little bit of dried saliva from her cheek. She could not believe he was seeing her like this.

"Yeah, for two hours. Vanessa had been worried about you when you didn't come back out to the pool, so she checked on you and said you were sleeping like a baby. We weren't supposed to bother you, but I think a bunch of people are going to be leaving for the Missoni party soon."

"I slept for two hours? Well, shit, I guess I was more tired than I thought. You know, I'm not quite feeling up to loud music and obnoxious people right now, so I might have to beg out of the party."

"Wow, you have changed. The old Blair would never have turned down a party."

"The old Blair didn't work for 24 hours straight either. You guys go ahead, I'll just hang around here or go into town or something."

"Well, I'll stay with you. It's not really like I couldn't see the same people there in Manhattan anyway."

"No, go, have fun. You haven't been to the Hamptons in like forever. Don't stay on my account. Anyway, your date probably wants to spend time with you."

"Well she's not really a date, just some friend of Chuck's who hitched a ride with me. She'll be fine. Let me go tell them." Nate ran from the room, and she heard muffled voices from the hall. Minutes later, footsteps clamored on the marble in the foyer and the door slammed shut. Blair hurriedly tried to fix her matted hair and reapplied some lip gloss before Nate made his way back into her room.

"Are you sure you want to throw the sacrificial lamb right into the King Chuck's den?" She smirked.

"You'd know all too well how that feels, wouldn't you?" He tossed back.

She punched him in the arm, "We all know what a mistake that was, and we don't need to remind me of that horrific time in my life."

"Ow…that hurt, you're going to pay for that," he laughed, acting mock wounded.

"Well, are you hungry? We can go get some food or something." Blair rubbed her stomach, a gesture she would have never attempted in the past.

"I didn't mean you had to pay me back now, but sure."

"Let me change, and we'll get going."

Blair reemerged from her room moments later, wearing a simple knee-length white linen dress with cap sleeves. A large chestnut colored belt wrapped around her tiny waist. Her hair was already wavy from the salt air, and she tied it up into a loose bun. She wore flat, gold sandals that laced around her ankles. She was effortless, like a Greek goddess and Nate wouldn't soon forget what she looked like at that moment.

She had a smudge of white sunblock on her nose, which Nate rubbed in with his finger, enjoying the touch. She wrinkled her nose at him. "You had some schmutz…So, we have a bit of a problem. We're blocked in."

She looked at Nate's deeply tanned, muscular arms. You know, it wouldn't be so bad being stuck at home with him. He changed into a blue plaid shirt with the top two buttons left undone and the sleeves cuffed up exposing his sexy forearms, khaki pants, and navy Vans slip ons. He looked just as he did in high school, when they'd spend their summers lounging by the pool and crashing parties at night. She had to smile.

"Well, we can call a taxi. I mean, town's not that far, but I'm not really thrilled about walking there."

"Actually, I have a better idea, wait for me out front." Nate disappeared towards the garage. Blair walked outside and let the breeze hit her in the face. It was muggy and hot, but the gentle wind blowing around her dress still felt good.

Nate reappeared rolling an old bicycle. "This is the best we've got."

"No way. I'm not sitting on that thing."

"Come on, you used to do it all the time."

"Yes, that was like 30 pounds ago and about fifteen years."

"Come on. I tried to look for another one, but this is the only one they've got."

"My dress will get dirty," she pouted.

"I'll buy you a new one. Come on, Blair." Nate steadied himself on the seat, and waited for her. She reluctantly climbed onto the space between the handlebars, holding her feet on the divets of the front wheel.

"I cannot believe…" she said as the wind hit her in the face. Nate started pedaling, and they made fairly good speed for two adults on one bicycle. His head was right next to the nape of her neck, and she could feel his hot breath on her skin. _You have a boyfriend, you have a boyfriend, you have a boyfriend, _her head kept repeating. She couldn't help it.

She turned and smiled at Nate, his eyes shining and brow furrowing, trying to pedal as hard as he could.

As they reached town, Nate stopped carefully and helped Blair down from her position on the bike. He rolled the bicycle beside him as they walked.

"That was fun, but I bet you an ice cream that I can beat you to the Country Market." Blair giggled.

"That's not fair, I've got this bike."

"Less complaining, more running," she took off in the Country Market's direction, the wind making her appear as if she were floating. Nate tried to catch up with her, but by the time he reached the doors of the Market Place, she was already waiting, arms crossed. "You lose."

"You're a cheater."

"I prefer to think of it as being subversively resourceful. It's not my fault you handicapped yourself with that bike. Anyway, I'm starving." She grabbed his hand and led him into the market.

To anyone who was looking, Nate and Blair looked like the perfect couple spending a Summer weekend in Southampton. Nate walked behind Blair, holding a shopping basket as she threw various items into it. Blair bought a loaf of crusty French bread, some brie, and two large heirloom tomatoes. Nate bought a container of fresh olives stuffed with proscuitto and sundried tomato and a bottle of wine. They picked a spot on a bench across from the movie theater where they could watch all of the tourists and some locals enjoy the summer night.

Blair took a bite out of a tomato, tore off a piece of bread, put a little bit of brie on it, and ate it greedily. "Oh my god, that is so perfect." Nate took a sip of his wine from a plastic tumbler and poured some for his companion. She took a piece of bread with brie and held it out. He ate it right from her fingertips letting his lips linger on her skin. He smiled at her, and thought he caught a hint of a blush forming.

"This was really nice, Blair. A lot better than going to some lame party with lame music and lame dancing."

"Yeah, cause that would have been totally lame, right?" She smiled as he popped an olive into her mouth. She licked the salty taste from her mouth. Two fireflies flitted around them, casting their magical spell on the moment. This moment was really nice. So nice, she didn't want it to end.

Thirty minutes later, no cheese, olives, or wine left, the two sat side by side. The sun had finally gone down, and it was getting slightly chilly. Blair stood up to throw away their trash and shuddered slightly. Nate rubbed his hands up and down her arms, as she got another chill, this time not from the cold air. His breathing was slow and deep behind her.

"Are you ready for dessert?" She turned and quickly headed for the local ice cream shop. Nate looked at her, and didn't say anything. He didn't want ice cream per se, but an activity involving whipped cream and lots of licking crossed his mind.

_You have a boyfriend, you have a boyfriend, you have a boyfriend. _She kept repeating the mantra over and over again in her head. _Oh god, please make me stronger than this._ His stare was making her feel so hot.

She ordered a vanilla cone and walked outside. He followed her with his cookie dough cone. The hot summer humidity quickly started melting Blair's cone, and she fought to prevent the whole thing from dripping on her dress. He watched her every lick of that cone. He wanted to kiss her, but she was already on edge. Her fingers were covered with sticky sugar, the vanilla running down her hand. He caught her arm, brought it up to his face and licked the droplet off. Blair dropped her cone at the touch of his warm tongue on her skin. He kissed the sweet residue off her hand. He leaned in…

Beep! Beep! The two, startled, jumped away from each other like teenagers caught in the act.

"Hey guys, need a lift home?" Chuck yelled from the passenger seat. Nate silently cursed his friend.

"Yes! Pop the trunk, so we can put the bike in there!" Blair said breathlessly. She rushed towards the car and squeezed into the bitch seat next to Vanessa. Nate propped the bike into the trunk and hopped in next to Blair. He put his hand on the seat, and she moved away as to not touch him. She stared forward, and did not say another word the entire night.

Nate caught Chuck's smile in the side mirror and shook his head. He moved in too close, got too excited, and now he would have to regain Blair's trust and get her to allow him to get close to her again. This would not be an easy undertaking.


	13. we could have shown them all

_Here's the next chapter...I will try to update at least once more by the end of the week, but after that it may be a very long time before I get another chance to update. For now, enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the show, not the books, not the songs_

_Rating: T to M_

**Never Tear Us Apart**

Chapter 13: we could have shown them all

"V, have you seen my gold Kate Spade clutch?" Blair rummaged through her very messy closet.

"Yeah, I think it's under that pile of clothes, yep, here it is. So how do I look?" Vanessa asked, twirling in a gold satin, knee-length, Marchesa dress. The dress was held up by two rope like straps which accentuated her long neck and newly grown ample breasts over which she wore a simple gold necklace.

"Hot mama, look at those boobs." Blair winked at her.

"Yeah, that's the only good thing other than the baby right now. I swear I'm totally starting to show and I look like a whale."

"That's impossible! You're like 3 and a half months along and you look great."

"Yeah, well next to you, I feel like a bloated sausage.." Blair looked at her reflection. She wore a fitted, nude-toned, low cut V-neck Zuhair Murad cocktail dress. Tiny crystals covered the dress entirely, making it appear if she was only wearing said crystals. The dress was just about mid-thigh, so she basically couldn't make any sudden moves without showing off the goods. She wore her favorite sky high Jimmy Choo strappy gold heels that wrapped around her ankles several times making them look much thinner than they already were.

"Well you should have thought about that before you and Dan did the dirty."

"Eh, it was worth it I guess. Now, does the fact that you look like sex in the form of an Upper Eastsider have anything to do with any certain person who is supposed to be there tonight?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. I always dress to impress."

It had been three weeks since Blair had last saw Nate. She had been avoiding every situation where he might be, and actually it hadn't been that hard. She consumed herself with work, she was on call last weekend, and he had gone back to Chicago for the week. He was supposed to be at tonight's 1920s Jazz inspired Manhattanites against Melanoma event at the Met, but she couldn't not be there--she was a plastic surgery resident who worked with a lot of cosmetic repairs of melanoma excisions for pete's sake.

Also with Zach out of town, back to California to meet with some more restaurant investors, there was no telling what would happen.

--

"Ugg, poor Adam. He's missing the best canapés ever!" Laura shrieked, already a little too drunk.

"Someone had to draw the short straw and be on call," Pete pointed out, "I'm just glad it was not me…excuse me I just saw the future Mrs. Bannister." He got up from the table, and followed a gorgeous brunette.

Blair sat at the table, sipping the last of her vodka tonic, listening to the jazz singer's rendition of songs that were popular decades ago. She smiled as Dan and Vanessa waltzed by, motioning at to at her to join them. She waved them off, and continued chatting with her fellow residents "Can I have this dance?" He slipped into the empty seat next to her. The dim lights of the candles cast a glow on his face. She stood up and smoothed her dress down.

"Sure, one dance wouldn't hurt." They walked to the center of the dance floor, Nate leading her with his hand on her back. She looked back at the table, where Laura sat mouth agape. "He's gorgeous!" she mouthed. Blair nodded back and winked. He took her in his arms, and waltzed with her at a safe distance.

_You are far,  
When I could have been your star,  
You listened to people,  
Who scared you to death, and from my heart,  
Strange that you were strong enough to even make a start  
But you'll never find  
The peace of mind til you listen to your heart,_

He stopped in the middle of the dance floor. "Blair, I just want to say that while I was in Chicago, I couldn't stop thinking about --"

"Shh, just dance with me." She wrapped her arms around his neck and swayed with the beat from the soft ting of the cymbals. He enveloped her tiny waist with his arms, and pulled her suffocatingly close. He didn't know if this was the last time he would get to hold her like this, but he would make this moment last as long as he could.

_People,  
You can never change the way they feel,  
Better let them do just what they will,  
For they will,  
If you let them,  
Steal your heart from you,_

Nate starting singing the lyrics from the old George Michael tune into Blair's ear.

_  
People,  
Will always make a lover feel a fool,  
But you knew I loved you,  
We could have shown them all,  
We should have seen love through,_

Blair lay her head on Nate's shoulder. He inhaled the comforting oatmeal scent of her hair. He instinctively kissed the top of her head and she didn't stop him.

_Fooled me with the tears in your eyes,  
Covered me with kisses and lies,  
So bye,  
But please don't take my heart,_

_You are far,  
I'm never gonna be your star,  
I'll pick up the pieces  
And mend my heart,  
Maybe I'll be strong enough,  
I don't know where to start,  
But I'll never find  
Peace of mind,  
While I listen to my heart,_

"I'm sorry," he murmured into her hair. She looked up at him, her eyes shining, and nodded. He didn't know if all was forgotten, but he would take that as a subtle gesture.

_People,  
You can never change the way they feel,  
Better let them do just what they will,  
For they will,  
If you let them,  
Steal your heart,_

_And people,  
Will always make a lover feel a fool,  
But you knew I loved you,  
We could have shown them all,_

"Nate, I wish things could be different. The timing was never right." Her eyes started to wet again and she shook them away.

_But remember this,  
Every other kiss,  
That you ever give  
Long as we both live  
When you need the hand of another man,  
One you really can surrender with,  
I will wait for you,  
Like I always do,  
There's something there,  
That can't compare with any other,_

He rubbed her back with his hands, moving down slowly. He leaned in and touched his lips to her ear. "Just one more chance. That's all I'm asking." Her breath caught in the back of her throat as he slowly kissed her lips. She shook her head, and freed herself from his arms. She ran as quickly as she could from the dance floor, stopping to grab her purse at the table. The other revelers stopped and stared for a second, but went back to their own business.

_You are far,  
When I could have been your star,  
You listened to people,  
Who scared you to death, and from my heart,  
Strange that I was wrong enough,  
To think you'd love me too.  
I guess you were kissing a fool,_

Blair looked back over her shoulder at Nate standing in the middle of the dance floor. He stared back and held her gaze. She turned and left the ballroom and left him standing there all alone.

_You must have been kissing a fool..._

* * *

Kissing a fool by George Michael (or the cover by Michael Buble)

* * *


	14. i just wanna use your love tonight

_Enjoy, it may be awhile before I can update again, but at least I'm leaving you with some N/B interaction. The chapter inspired by the Outfield's Your Love, or the amazing Midtown cover. Please don't read the second part of the chapter if you are not of age, due to mature content.  
_

_Rating: M, please don't read the second part of this chapter under the horizontal ruler if you are not of age._

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the books, not the show, not the songs_

**Never Tear Us Apart**

Chapter 14: I just wanna use your love tonight

_Try to stop my hands from shaking  
Something in my minds not making sense  
Its been awhile since weve been all alone  
I cant hide the way Im feeling_

_--The Outfield_

Blair furiously punched her speed dial. "Hi, sweetie, how's the party?" she could barely hear his voice over the loud bass line on the other end. She walked into the powder room, hoping to escape the swell of the music.

"Umm…it's okay," her voice broke a little bit. She wiped at the tears that were running down her face. "I'm a little tired though, so I think I'm heading home."

"Aww, well, it's really loud here! I wish you could be here!"

She tried to hide a sniffle. "Yeah, me too. Look, Zach--"

"Oh, I forgot to tell you! I'm meeting with this new restaurant group, the golightly group tomorrow night. They're real up and coming, and are looking for an exec chef for their newest restaurant in Napa! Sounds like a great deal, look I gotta go! Talk to you tomorrow!"

Blair looked at her phone. That was not the way she had planned that exchange, she wanted to tell him so badly that she just couldn't do this anymore. The tears just continued to fall. She ran outside the Met, down the stairs and towards the street, and held up her hand. Just her luck, no fucking cabs. The fucking city of taxis and there was not one. She flipped open her phone, and dialed his number again. She had to get this out.

"Do you need a ride?" She turned around to face him. She wiped at the mascara running down her cheeks. She continued walking stiltedly in her stilettos down the sidewalk as fast as she could.

"Leave me alone." Nate caught up easily and twisted her around. He grabbed her phone and flipped it shut.

"No." He stared at her, challenging her to do something.

"What do you mean, no?" Her eyes shone as she furiously waved her hand out towards the street.

"I mean, I will not leave you alone. Listen to me, Blair. This…this is real between us. You can't deny it." He grabbed her hand and forced her to look at him.

She shook her hand free and started down the street again with him closely following behind. "So you can leave for ten years, leave me alone for that long but you can't now? That makes a lot of fucking sense."

"I know I hurt you."

"You hurt me? Hurt me?! Did it take you this long to figure it out? Should I give you a fucking medal? What the fuck do you want from me, Nate? Things are not the same anymore. They can't be, no matter how much you will them to be." Passersby on the street gaped at Blair's language. She wanted to tell them to fuck off.

"Things can be the same, if you just let them. I know you're proud and you don't want to admit it but…he won't love you the way I do."

"How dare you. How dare you!" Blair hit him several times on his chest, forcing him to step back. He grabbed his chest in pain. "You don't know anything about me. You gave up any rights when you left me waiting for you in Grand Central ten years ago."

"I may have done that in the past, but this is now. I know that I can treat you better than anyone else can. Don't you get it Blair? I've never stopped loving you. I'm sorry I left you. But I can't take that back. I was confused and I was stupid, but the one good thing about me leaving was that I found out that it was always you. Everything always came back to you. And now, that we're here, you're in front of me. I'm in love with you. I love you, Blair. Nothing's changed. " She put up both her fists in front of her face and he reached up and grabbed them. "Blair, you can try to hide from me, and you can try to push me away, but you can't deny that you still feel something for me."

He grabbed her face and looked into her eyes. He wiped the last of the tears away. He slowly leaned in and kissed her cheek, letting his lips linger against her skin.

Blair turned her head slightly, and caught his mouth with hers. She let his tongue invade her mouth and she stood on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his neck. She ran her fingers through his hair, as he explored her body with his hands. He picked her up and swung her around as she squealed. She was suspended in midair, staring into his eyes. He released her and she ran towards his limo.

He stopped her before she could open the door. He pinned her body with his to the car. She covered his lips with her own as he ran his hands through her hair. His mouth curled up into a smirk as she softly bit his lower lip. He lifted her up slightly, and slid his hands up her thighs underneath the hem of her dress. Blair sucked on his neck and groaned as his fingers hooked the bottom edge of her lace boy shorts. He always loved her best in boy shorts, well, other than without any clothes at all. She slapped his hand away.

"No." She turned away from him, and opened the door to the limo. He looked at her, not sure if she was teasing or rejecting him. She grabbed him by his tie and pulled him towards the coach. She leaned in and whispered, "Let me."

* * *

Blair straddled Nate's legs in the backseat of limo. Nate pulled her hair making her moan in desire. He traced kisses down her neck, and kissed both collarbones. He looked up at her face as she panted heavily. Her chest heaved up and down as he licked a line to her shoulder, where he bit into her dress strap and removed it with his teeth. Her eyes rolled back into her head in anticipation as he pushed the other strap off, letting his fingers roam over hot skin. She slipped her arms out of the confining straps and lay exposed to Nate's widening eyes. It was like seeing her for the first time all over again.

She bit her lips as she pulled off his suit jacket, quickly undoing his shirt. His chest shined with perspiration and Blair could not help herself but stare at his perfect anatomy, she leaned in and bite his skin softy, making him deeply moan. His skin was a perfect mix of bitterness and salty. She put her hand over his heart and felt it pulsate beneath her fingers. She wrapped her arms around his neck, feeling his wet hair between her hands and pressed her naked torso against his. He placed his hands underneath her and twisted her around so her back was against the hot leather. She clamped her legs around his torso, as he leaned in and kissed her breasts. His tongue teased circles around her nipple, sucking slightly and blowing cool air onto it. She gripped his head hard and pulled him closer to her. He cupped her left breast, his fingers softly massaging her soft skin, feeling the skin stiffen and rise at his touch. He slowly slipped his right hand underneath her dress and lifted it, so that it pooled around her waist.

"Oh god, Nate…" she growled, wanting him so badly. Blair grinded her body into his, ready to move a little further down south. He gently bit into her left breast, and she cried out in a mix of pleasure and agony. Her fingernails dug into the flesh of his back, making him tense up and bite even harder. She breathed in heavily and fast. She felt dizzy from all of the adrenaline coursing through her arteries and veins. He moved back up her neck and kissed her on the mouth, his tongue forcefully parting her lips.

She undid Nate's belt and pulled his pants down. She pushed him with as much strength as she could muster onto the floor of the limo. She slipped her dress off, as he took in her naked body. He kicked his pants off, and moved Blair back up to kiss her. She rested her body onto top of his, starting to kiss and lick his skin from the neck down. She traced the outline of his abdominal muscles, which tensed at the touch of her tongue. She slithered down his body, feeling the heat of his erection against her stomach. She pulled the waistband of his boxer-briefs down with her mouth, letting her lips quickly graze over his shaft. He contracted his stomach and moaned her name. "Fuck, Blair."

She smiled wickedly as she teased his head with some quick licks. His neck jerked back and his eyes squeezed shut. He guided her head to his shaft that was throbbing in desire. Nate felt like he was about to lose control. She took him into her mouth, licking the underside of his shaft, making his body shake in pleasure. She softly sucked on his glans, imparting a pressure on the head that was about to make him come. "Yeah, oh god, Blair, fuck. Keep going."

She used her hand to jerk him off as she leaned down and licked one of his balls. His body bucked against her mouth, and she responded by taking him in her mouth and tracing her tongue around it. Nate couldn't even think straight. Being with Blair like this. Watching her expertly work on pleasing him, he could not believe this was the same girl he knew in high school. He felt the pressure building up and he had to stop her.

He flipped her back over on her back and started kissing her, tasting the salt from his body on her lips. That alone was almost enough to make him come, but he concentrated on her lips and her tongue and her body that was begging for him to touch it. He moved back down to her breasts, sucking as she softly moaned. He reached down and touched her legs, an electric shock going through her body. His fingers crawled up between her thighs and felt the wetness between them. "Uhh, fuck," she begged, desperate. He inserted his finger into her core as he urgently sucked on her breast. She moved in rhythm with his finger as he rocked back and forth in and out of her. He kissed the softness of her stomach, making his way down to his intended target. With his finger still feeling her inside, he stopped right at the spot that would make her crazy and blew his hot breath on it. She screamed out and spread her legs wider. Her hands slowly moved to join his, touching herself and turning him on even more. He shook his head at her as her eye flashed in a mix of ecstasy and pain. He kissed her toes and slowly crept back up. He slowly and deliberately licked her clit as she threw her body against his mouth. He removed his hand from her to steady her legs. She held his head in her hands, holding him tightly to her center. He licked and inserted his tongue, moving it through her folds as her legs trembled beneath his hands. He looked back up at her, she wore a look of pure lust on her face and her hand rested on her breast, kneading it with fingers. "Nate, I'm gonna come!" She thrashed against his face, and he felt her muscle contract. She brought his face close to hers, kissing his mouth and finding the stickiness so sexy. "Nate, fuck me." He smirked at her directness.

He steadied himself between her legs, and on his forearms as to not crush her. He pushed her legs apart, and thrust himself in her as she dug her nails into his back. She bit her lips in pain, leaving a purple bruise. His breath quickened as he thrust in and out of her. He brushed the hair matted to her face away, kissing her. She synchronized her movements to his rhythm gasping and moaning as he fingered her G-spot with each forceful move. She felt so dizzy, she could barely even see straight. She had never felt this good ever.

He changed positions and flipped her on top on him. She sat him up, her eyes locked with his and her hands steadying his shoulders as she rode him slowly. She bit his shoulder and moved up and down, his strong arms holding her already weakened body up. She quickened her pace, needing him harder, deeper inside her. He slapped her ass as she buried her face into his neck, breathing rapid, shallow breaths. "Blair, I'm so fucking close," he grunted.

She clung onto him, moaning and moving as fast as she could over his writhing body. She felt another wave of orgasm rush over her body. "I'm gonna come…I'm gonna come," Nate whispered. She felt his warmth inside her as she collapsed on top of him. He released her from his grip and she rolled to his side, her body still shivering. He touched her back, still feeling the electricity shock him. She turned to look at him, kissing his nose as she closed her eyes and tried to mentally capture the very way he looked at her right now.


	15. i wanna be with you night and day

_Sorry for the long wait, I'll try to update sooner next time. For now, enjoy! Thanks for all the comments, keep them coming!_

**Never Tear Us Apart**

Chapter 15: I wanna be with you night and day

_Shadows grow so long before my eyes,  
And they're moving across the page  
Suddenly the day turns into night,  
Far away from the city  
But don't hesitate cause your love won't wait...  
Ooh baby I love your way, everyday  
Wanna tell you I love your way  
Wanna be with you night and day_

_--Peter Frampton_

It felt like forever before her dizziness started to subside. Blair looked over at Nate who had his eyes closed. He slowly opened his sleepy eyes, turned to her and pulled her close to him, hiding his face in her sweaty tangle of hair. He looked at her huge blue eyes, her pupils dilated in pleasure. He loved that he could make every part of her body react. He kissed her, encircling her ready tongue. "You are so incredible, do you know that?"

She looked up at his smiling face and felt so protected and warm. She returned to his eagerly awaiting tongue. She wanted to remember him exactly as he was now, and she didn't want to think about anything else except this moment.

"Mr. Archibald?" the voice buzzed over the intercom. Nate stopped in mid-kiss, his lips touching hers. Blair instinctively covered her breasts, and took cover into his chest. "Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt, but we've been here...for awhile." Blair muffled a giggle into Nate's arm.

"Thanks, Thomas." He pecked her on the cheek. She smiled into the kiss and soon burst out laughing. "What?" he tickled her, "what is so funny?" He tackled her as she laughed some more.

"This…this is absurd. Your chauffeur just caught us hooking up in the back of your limo. What are we, in high school?"

"Well, you have no self control."

"Me? You're the one who seduced me." She pulled her dress back on, and adjusted her hair. She opened the door to the limo and stepped out into the breezy night. She shivered and looked around. This was not either of their townhouses. This was the East river. Nate draped his jacket over her shoulders and walked ahead.

"Come on, I have something to show you." He gestured for her to follow. Blair took off her heels and carried them in her hands as she made her way across the dock. Hundreds of the biggest yachts sat, dark, looming and quiet, the only witnesses to their little tryst.

Nate stopped at a particularly large yacht, a boat that was easily 100 ft in length and hopped aboard. He held his hand out to her as she jumped onto the deck. "This is mine."

"Nate, she's beautiful."

"I know, Chips left it to me in his will, and while I sort of restored and changed a lot of things, I think it still holds the old charm of the Belinda." He put his hands on her face and kissed her, and he felt like he used to when they sailed together on the Charlotte.

He swayed with her to the rhythm of the rocking of the sea. "We need some music." Nate held up and finger and disappeared into the control room. The soft strumming of Peter Frampton's guitar slowly filtered out over the speakers. Nate returned and took Blair into his arms, holding her close.

"_Baby, I love your way? _You are so cheesy, Archibald. I bet you play this on all of the girls you take back to your yacht…"

"Only the gorgeous, sexy brunettes named Blair."

She smiled and blushed. She felt like she was back in high school. Nate kissed her long and slow. He held her hand and led her down the stairs into the cabin. He picked her up and lay her on the bed, ready to make love to her again and again.

--

"Someone certainly looks happy," Vanessa looked at Blair. There was something definitely different about her. She wore a navy blue nautical inspired dress with bright mint green espadrilles and a magnolia in her hair. Blair's step had a certain bounce to it, and Vanessa could only surmise why that was.

Blair thought back at last night, the limo, the three more times she and Nate had sex on his yacht, and this morning when they shared a quick breakfast of bagels and lox at her place before making love in the shower. Blair beamed at Vanessa. "I'm just so happy for you and Dan. And I'm so excited to buy my future godchild some new stuff." Vanessa nodded, playing along. If Blair wasn't ready to spill, she wouldn't pry…yet.

"Well, we're just registering. Dan's been driving me nuts with all this planning. He's been making all these lists of what to get, what we have to do with our place, what we have to get rid of before baby comes."

"Aww, that's cute of him. He's going to make a great Dad, V." Blair picked up a baby boy's seersucker suit and cooed. She imagined a miniature version of Nate wearing it.

"I know, that's the only reason I'm keeping him around right now." Vanessa looked at the colorful display of Baby wraps and Baby Bjorns.

Blair pointed to the stroller section, "You should get a bug-a-boo, they are so cute. And this is the cutest bassinet ever."

"Who knew you were so maternal?" Blair shrugged, it's just that she had been so purely happy since she woke up in Nate's arms that she was reverted back to her sixteen year old Nate obsessed self. This was finally going to work this time, she could feel it. She whistled along with Fleetwood Mac's Everywhere, playing over the sound system.

Vanessa looked at Blair questioningly. She whistled? "So, how goes the chef search?"

"Huh?" Blair looked at her dreamily from a pair of tiny Gucci loafers. She had to start being careful, she was beginning to act uncharacteristically.

"Zach. Has he gotten an offer yet?" Vanessa scanned a bunch of bottles, sterilizers and nipples. She was thinking practical while Blair had her head in the clouds.

"No, but he's got this meeting with this new group tomorrow. They've allegedly opened a bunch of lounges and hip bistros in Orange County, Seattle, Scottsdale, and Las Vegas. He's really excited and you know what, I'm happy for him. At least he's doing what he loves, right?"

Vanessa nodded and thought to herself, well you're probably doing what…or who you love, too Blair.

--

Nate pulled himself off Blair's bed, stretching and straightening his shirt. She kneeled up next to him and placed kisses all over his face. "Come on, Nate. We have time for a quickie," she purred, going towards his belt.

He groaned as his nether regions stirred. "I can't, I'm going to miss my flight. I'll be back in a few days, and then you can do whatever you want with me." She pulled on his tie and kissed him. She pouted as he walked out the door. She flopped back on the bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling every bit like her old teenage self. She had one little hitch that she had to take care of, and she wasn't quite sure how to handle it, but he wouldn't be back for another two days, so she wouldn't worry about it then.

Blair heard a soft knock on the door, her mother poked her head in. "Blair? Was that Nathanial Archibald I saw leaving just now?"

"Yes it was."

"Are you going to explain?"

"No. There's nothing to explain. He came back to town and we've been catching up." Her mother looked at her disapprovingly.

"You just remember what happened in the past, Blair."

"Why dwell in the past, why not think about the future?" She was getting annoyed, really fast.

"Just be careful, Blair. You know I love Nate, but you also know how I've felt about him in the past. And his mother had told me he's earned quite the reputation in Chicago with the ladies." Blair rolled her eyes.

"Mother, I'm completely capable of making my own choices." Blair was confident in that statement, sort of. Her mother just nodded at her and left her room. Suddenly, Blair thought about how Nate looked, his hair, his clothes, his body. How he was always flying back and forth from Chicago. He couldn't. He wouldn't have someone else. Would he? Unfortunately, she failed to remember that _she_ was the one who had someone else, and yet she was worried about him cheating? This was just like high school all over again. She knew one person who might know the answer to this question, but she didn't want to turn to her. At least not yet.

--

Zach sat, silently at the table with the two men in their late thirties. No one was talking, no one was laughing, nothing. He didn't know what to say to them after the little pleasantries they shared at the beginning of their meeting. They weren't the people pleasing type, that he could tell. He had arrived at the restaurant very early, finding them already sitting at the VIP table in the rear, drinking jack and cokes, and making small talk about each others' wives. Tim, a tall, thin Irish looking guy, red hair, freckles, wire rimmed glasses, drink constantly in need of a refill, checked his watch every other minute, like it was a nervous tick. He was in charge of management. He wasn't sure this was really the management he wanted to work for, this guy looked fucking crazy. This lack of communication was driving him insane.

John, the friendlier looking of the two, looked up from a Treo. He was in charge of all the numbers for all the restaurants. There was also a larger group of investors whom he would meet if he made it through this first interview. John spoke up to clear the silence. "Our partner should be here in a moment. Are you sure you don't want another drink?" Zach shook his head no, he'd already had two and was starting to get a slight buzz since he hadn't eaten in hours. It was hard to imagine all of these guys called each other friends from college when they barely talked now.

Suddenly, a tall guy appeared in front of their table, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, guys. The fucking cab driver was crazy." Zach looked him over, young guy, maybe his age, impeccably dressed but still gave off the very distinct air of old money and class, with tousled brown hair. He patted Tim on the back and fist pounded with John before nodding at a waitress to bring him a drink. He smiled widely, showing off a row of perfect white teeth. "You must be Zach Johanssen. It's nice to meet you, I'm Nate Archibald. Welcome."


	16. that's why you will not survive

_Enjoy, and keep the reviews coming...I promise there will be action soon._

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the show, not the books, not the songs_

_Rating: T to M for mature situations_

**Never Tear Us Apart**

Chapter 16: that's why you will not survive

_I hear the call of a lifetime ring,  
felt the need to get up for it  
Oh, cut out the middle man  
get free from the middle man_

_--Spoon_

Zach laughed at something Tim had said; he was now fully drunk. They were all have a very loud and raucous good time now that Nate had changed the mood. Nate had him right where he wanted him. He eyed Zach from the corner where he sat, sipping on a vodka tonic. "So, Zach, why don't you join me back in the kitchen and we'll see what you can do."

Zach followed Nate into the kitchen, where the dinner service was going full blast. "Sorry about earlier, man. Those two can be real pricks around each other, it's some weird feud they've had going on since college. Usually, we've got another one of our partners, Chuck with us and that guy is fucking hilarious, and he's a trip to be around, he's like got this weird magnetic pull on women."

"Yeah, I was getting a little nervous, but it's not so bad. You seem pretty chill."

"That's the way I like to run my ship, but the others gotta keep up the front of this disciplined machine that is all about order. And Chuck is just along for the party. He's one of our main financiers, so he'd rather just collect the money instead of actually getting his hands dirty. Anyway, I assume this is nothing compared to what you're used to in New York." Zach looked around at the wait staff running through the kitchen picking up orders, the sous chefs carrying huge pots of soup across burners and busboys hurriedly washing as many dishes as possible. Zach nodded, he was used to this life by now.

"Well, Napa will be a smaller scale, only about sixty to seventy-five tables, and I'd have you under the supervision of Vincent Espera, our exec from here for the first few months, but once we can trust you, we'll let you have full reign of the menu. Of course, we'll have to see what you're made of culinary wise, but I have a good feeling about you…" Nate scrutinized Zach, making him feel suddenly very nervous, of which Nate picked up on immediately. "So, why don't you show me what you can do. Why don't you make me a warm salad? Take whatever you want from the pantry." Zach nodded. If he wanted a salad, he'd give him a salad. He walked to the refrigerator and pulled out a variety of items that didn't seem very palatable to Nate, but he would see.

"So, John tells me you're a Yale man." Zach nodded, concentrating on cutting strips of anchovy.

"That's right, Eli Yale for life." He moved a tray of bread that was placed precariously close to the edge of a counter. He threw some ingredients in a bowl, creating a marinade, while trying to pay attention to Nate.

"I was almost a Yale man myself. I was going to play lacrosse for them, but decided against staying on the East Coast and I moved to the Midwest," Zach shot him a look, "I know, but the Midwest really is not that bad."

"No, it's very nice, I'm sure. Probably a big change from a New Yorker like yourself. Lacrosse, I would have pegged you as a crew man." He shook some shallots around in a roasting pan with port wine.

"Well, I do love the water, but I prefer larger boats. Do you sail?"

"Not really, didn't have much of a chance to do that in Washington, D.C."

"Is that where you grew up? I thought you were from New York."

"Nah, I've just lived in New York for the past five years. But, my mom's a professor at Georgetown and my dad is a circuit court judge. Which makes food a natural choice."

"So, it'll be easy to leave New York? No family ties there."

"Well, yes and no, I have a girlfriend."

"Well, she can relocate out here." He tried to read Zach's face, but there was nothing.

"Not so much, she's a surgeon, and she's tied into her residency for three more years, so she can't move out here now. I know she'd love it in Napa, even though she's a full blown New Yorker," Nate somehow doubted that. "She's actually the only thing keeping me in New York, but I doubt I'll get this chance again if I don't take it now when I'm just kind of starting my career, you know? This could be a great opportunity."

"Sure, it is. Vince and Jim, our exec from Scottsdale were both featured in Food and Wine's best new chefs issue this year." Zach nodded, he knew all about it and was basically salivating at the chance to make a name for himself.

"I don't know though, I'm kind of worried she won't want to wait for me while I do my thing out here. And I thought about getting her a ring, but I don't think we're ready for that step yet. I mean, we've been dating for two years, but I'm not sure what the future holds." He placed the plate of wilted spinach, shallots, bacon and goat cheese in front of Nate. It looked simple, but when Nate took that first bite, he had to give it to him. The boy could cook. He was nice too, sabotaging his relationship wouldn't be as easy as doing it to a pure douche bag. But if it was something he learned from Blair, it was that you had to go out and get whatever it was that you wanted.

There was still something Nate had to know. "So is it true love?"

Zach looked at him blankly. "Well, I love her because she is something else, but I don't know if I'm in love with her. She certainly keeps things exciting and I enjoy being with her, but I kind of think she's not really that into what I'm doing, and I think she holds back a lot, I don't know how long I can wait for her to come around."

Nate smirked. Why should he feel bad about putting an insurmountable distance in between them, Nate was actually in love with Blair. Maybe because karma could come and bite him in his ass. Oh well. "Yeah. Well, Zach this is very good. I think you'd be a great fit for the new restaurant. This kind of simple, organic style of cooking is exactly what we want on our menu. Now, you'll have to meet with Vince and some of the other investors, but we'll talk okay? For now, I want to extend this offer to you. Do you need to think about it or call anyone?" Nate looked at him hesitantly.

Zach thought about calling Blair, but knew it would be late in New York. "No, I'm going to accept, if the terms are right."

"Good man," Nate patted him on the back, hard. This was really a lot easier than he had thought. Like taking candy from a baby. And Blair was the sweetest candy of all.

--

Blair heard the ding of the elevator downstairs and readied herself on the bed. She wore these insane patent leather peep-toe platform Burberry mary janes that added six inches onto her petite frame. She also wore a newly purchased leopard print, lace demi-bra and thong set that barely covered her breasts and her butt. She covered herself with her black satin robe. The mood was set, she made an iTunes play list of songs with suggestive lyrics, and dimmed the lights. She also had a bottle of Perrier-Jouet on hand for the occasion. She felt like she was in high school again, waiting to lose her virginity to Nate. If he didn't ravage her as soon as he walked into the room, she didn't know what she would do.

She felt slightly bad since she still hadn't broken things off with Zach, but he had come home two nights ago and had been so ecstatic about the job offer she couldn't bear to tell him. However, this new job presented an excellent opportunity to break things off. Anyway, she had been on call last night, and he was working tonight so the opportunity hadn't presented itself yet.

She heard footsteps slowly ascend the staircase and she could not wait to feel him inside of her. Blair was really falling fast for Nate. Or maybe she hadn't fallen out of love with him in the first place. They had talked last night while she was in her call room, and hearing the sound of his voice talking so dirty to her made her need a cold shower in the middle of the night. The door creaked open, as Blair lay on the bed, legs folded at her side. "Nate?"

"I knew it!" Vanessa burst into the room, as Blair screamed. Her cheeks turned bright red and tied her robe back up.

"V, what are you doing here?" Blair jumped off the bed, and teetered towards Vanessa, who stood in the doorway laughing.

"You were really weird on the phone earlier, like you were trying to get rid of me, so I decided to find out what that was all about, and low and behold, I find you slutting it up for Sir Nate. Nice ass, by the way, Waldorf."

"Okay, so you found me out. You almost gave me a fucking heart attack."

Vanessa shook her head and looked around the room. She wondered how long this had been going on, since the Hamptons? "Well, that's what you deserve for not telling me."

"Just don't tell Dan, okay? I haven't had a chance to tell Zach yet, and I don't want you guys to have to be tangled in my web of lies. Now, you gotta go."

"Okay, okay, you've obviously got someone else to do. Love you whorebag."

"Hey it takes sex to get pregnant, slut. I love you but you gotta go!" Vanessa giggled all the way down the stairs.

Blair stood and looked at her reflection in the mirror. Vanessa did have a point, she did look kind of ridiculous, like she was trying too hard, but she just wanted to look sexy for her man.

"God, look at you," she turned and saw him standing in the doorway, holding a single rose. She gave him a come hither smile. "What did I do to deserve this?"

"It's not what you did, but what you're going to do…to me." she slowly untied his tie and tossed it onto her dressing table, starting on his shirt. He ran his hands down her back, stopping to cup her ass. "I missed you Nate."

"I missed you, too." He kissed her gently. The soft strumming of Chris Isaak's guitar streamed out into the air from the speakers. "Were you a good or bad girl while I was gone?"

"You know I was bad," she teased. He unclasped her bra, letting it fall to the floor.

"Well, then I guess you're going to have to get the punishment you deserve." He lay her on the bed, touching the rose petals to her neck, collarbone, and then between her breasts. Her mouth made a perfect O-shape as she pulled him on top of her and relished the feeling of his skin on hers.

--

Blair crept out of bed, throwing her scrubs into her bag and changing into a simple linen skirt and wrap top. She had come to Nate's house for a quick rendezvous, but fell asleep. Zach would probably be wondering where she was. Nate rustled in bed and opened one eye to look at her. "Where you going?" he yawned.

"I have to go home, it's late. Zach's going to be worried."

"When are you going to tell him?" Nate was slightly surprised she hadn't talked to Zach yet. It had been three weeks since he'd come back from California.

"I swear I'll do it soon, but he just needs some support before he gets ready for the move. But I promise, soon."

"Okay, I love you."

"I love you, too." Blair ran out into the steamy night. She was sweating, and she probably smelled terribly, but she was hoping his shift ran over. She knew she was playing a dangerous game.

No such luck. He was waiting for her when she got home, looking quite beat up himself.

"Hey, are you alright? I was worried. I called Laura, and she said you'd left hours ago."

"Yeah, I went over to Dan and Vanessa's to help them with some nursery stuff I had some wine...or maybe a lot of wine, and I fell asleep."

"How was it?" She looked at him.

"Oh, the nursery? It's really coming together. You look like you had a rough night."

"Yeah, fucking Charlie was brutal tonight. Nothing was right, nothing tasted good, you know."

"Well, you won't have to worry about him for long." She walked into the bathroom, starting to wipe off her makeup. He walked in behind her and stared at her reflection in the mirror. She did not look up at him.

"Yeah. Well, I'm glad you're okay. I'm going to bed." He towards the bed, but stopped midway. "Oh, yeah, your friend Serena called? She's coming back next weekend and she wants to meet up."

Blair nodded. Great. Serena...just what every situation needed to make things even more complicated than they were.


	17. never let me down again

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the books, not the show, not the songs._

_Rating: T to M, mostly for language_

**Never Tear Us Apart**

Chapter 17: never let me down again

_I'm taking a ride with my best friend_

_I hope he never lets me down again_

_We're flying high, we're watching the world pass us by_

_Never want to come down_

_Never want to put my feet back down on the ground_

_--Depeche Mode_

Nate was slightly nervous about two things. One, with Serena coming back, Blair would probably get suspicious and start asking questions. She always did this when Serena was around, it was like a defense mechanism or something. And judging from their history, she actually did have something to worry about. How could he blame her?

Two, Blair still had not broken up with Zach. He was beginning to think she was somehow avoiding it, and if she didn't do it soon, he'd have to take matters into his own hands…again.

He sat at the Palace Bar, waiting for her. She walked in, looking gorgeous in a cream colored silk top with black embroidery embellishing the sleeves and bottom hem. She wore black satin shorts and a skinny black belt that fitted her tiny waist perfectly. She grazed his cheek with her red lips. "So, stranger, shall we head upstairs?" she laughed, she was feeling especially flirty that night.

"Actually, we'll get to that, but I kind of wanted to talk a little bit." She nodded and slipped onto a bar chair. She motioned for the bartender to bring her whatever Nate was having. She took a sip of the drink, and wrinkled her face. Strong...what he had to say must not be very good if he needed this much liquid courage. "So, Serena is coming back," he mumbled.

Her eyes squinted at the sound of her name. "Yeah, I know. I told you that."

"Well, I know you don't completely trust me around her and with reason because of past events. But, it'll be different this time." Her eyes narrowed even more. She waved her hand in front of her, in a go on manner. "The truth is, I actually ran into her a few years back and we've kept in touch."

Blair's mouth opened slightly. Her brow wrinkled. She knew something had been up from the beginning.

"But…and this is a big but, we are only friends. I swear. Nothing more. She knows how I feel about you, and she's the one who had been telling me to tell you how I felt. And I don't want you to be mad at her because I told her not to tell you. So don't be mad." He took her face into his hands and lifted her chin up so that their eyes would meet.

"Okay, but nothing happened?" Blair asked.

"Nothing." This would probably come back to bite him in the ass, but he really didn't want to tell her. He knew how it had been in high school. He learned that lesson the hard way. Some things were meant to be left in the past.

"Good. Well, we can it all behind us. Now, let's go upstairs, baby." She led him by the hand out of the bar. Nate smiled, but caught the sight of someone in the corner of his eye, letting go of her hand abruptly. "Hey…" Blair turned and glared at him.

The person whom Nate spied, saw the two and walked up to them. "Hey, Blair. Nate? You guys know each other?" Zach looked back and forth between them. Nate was pretty sure he hadn't seen them in the bar, at least he hoped not.

Blair smiled calmly, "Zach!" she leaned in and kissed him. "Of course Nate and I know each other, we're old friends from high school. How do you know Nate?" She stared at Nate who looked at Zach.

"Zach, was Blair who you were talking about?" Zach nodded in response. "How weird that we knew each other all along. You're right though, this one is quite the firecracker. She is something, isn't she? You're a lucky guy."

"Yeah…this is a small world, isn't it?" Zach held his gaze on Blair, who looked straight at him not budging at all.

"You still haven't explained how you two know each other..." Blair waited impatiently for the answer.

"Nate's my new boss. He's apart of the Golightly group? You know, I told you. We met in San Francisco a month ago."

"Yes, you did. I didn't realize." Blair looked at Nate coolly.

"What are you guys doing here?" Zach once again looked at the two of them.

"We're visiting another friend from high school," Blair stated, not missing a beat.

"Chuck," Nate said. Zach nodded in recognition.

"You know Chuck too?" she said to Zach incredulously.

"Yeah, he's one of the investors." Great, two guys she got with in high school, reunited with her new boyfriend. "Well, I have to get going, I only ducked out to do a favor for Charlie. See you later, Blair?" She nodded as he kissed her. Nate squirmed in the background.

Once he was out of earshot. Blair turned to face Nate. "What the fuck was that all about?"

"What?" he said, feigning ignorance.

"What did he mean, you're his boss?" she hissed, her eyes flashing.

Nate shrugged, "He's going to be the new exec at our restaurant."

"Yeah, I got that, but not the part that you somehow have something to do with it. Did you do this on purpose?" Nate looked at the ground. "Nathaniel Archibald…what the hell?"

"What?" he stared at her, "Well, if it was something I learned from you, it's that you should always fight for what you want, and do anything in your power to get it. It just so happens I invest in restaurants. Restaurants employ chefs. Your boyfriend happens to be a talented chef. My restaurant is in California, far from you. You, the girl whom I'm fucking. I'm sure you can do the rest of math."

"So, am I just a good fuck to you? You are sabotaging my relationship on purpose. Did you ever think about how this would affect me?"

"Well, I figured you'd be busy with me by then, and I think I was right. You're fucking cheating on him Blair, no matter how you try to spin it. You're sleeping with me, while in a relationship with him."

"Look, I know what I'm doing, and I'll deal with it on my own terms. That's not the point. I'm just some sort of pawn to you. You can just play some little game with my dispensible heart."

"That's not true. Yes, I wanted you to myself. So, yes I'm guilty of being completely and utterly selfish and only wanting you. All I want is you. You have to understand that motive. You would have done it too, and you have done it in the past. I love you. Remember? I don't get you. You always wanted me to do this kind of shit for you in high school, fight for you and show you that I wanted you. I'm doing the same stuff, I just happen to have more resources at my disposal."

She cracked a tiny smile. It was sort of romantic of him to do that. She was still pissed though. But he looked really hot when he got pissed, his brow crinkling. It was still supremely fucked up. But so was the story of her life. "Okay. Truce. But don't lie to me again." She pouted at him, hating that he made a good point.

Nate exhaled as she pulled him towards the elevator, thinking to himself, "Too late."


	18. together we'll mend your heart

_Rating: T to M, mostly for language_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the books, not the show, not the songs_

**Never Tear Us Apart**

Chapter 18: Together we'll mend your heart

Because, when the sun shines

We shine together

Told you I'd be here forever

Said I'd always be your friend

Took an oath, I'ma stick it out til the end

-Rihanna

Blair waited on the steps of the Met with two skinny soy lattes sitting beside her. The morning air was crisp and surprisingly there were not many tourists walking around yet, possibly still recovering from the night before. This was probably Blair's least favorite time of year, the end of summer. Sure, she didn't go to school anymore so she didn't have summer vacation, but there was something fervent about the coming of fall. The changing of the tide. She thought about the summer that had passed so quickly. She had gotten together with Nate and had a steamy affair with him, one that she had hoped wasn't just a summer fling. Her best friends were having a baby, and Vanessa was now definitely showing more than just a little bit.

A taxi stopped in front of the Met and a girl with endless wavy blonde hair emerged, blowing a kiss at the driver. She carried a huge Louis Vuitton duffel, overflowing with colorful clothes, but yet she still managed to float effortlessly towards her old friend. She dropped the duffel and ran towards an awaiting Blair. The two girls embraced and gave each other quick kisses on their cheeks.

"Aww, B you look so awesome! You look more like a movie star than I do!" Blair removed her huge tortoiseshell Chanel sunglasses. She wore a green tank with a pair of skintight jeans and white Romanesque sandals.

Truthfully, Blair felt so dowdy in comparison to Serena, who was actually just wearing a pair of homemade Citizens of Humanity cut offs, a blue gingham button down shirt with cuffed sleeves, and a pair of Rainbows flip-flops. "You look great, just like some freaking California girl."

Serena twirled and picked up her bag, lugging it to their spot. She took a sip of her latte and smiled widely. "It's so great to be back! And I'm so glad you've got this whole Labor Day weekend off, so we can catch up."

"I know, but the summer's gone by so fast. Are you sure you don't want to go to the Hamptons? I mean, you haven't been there the whole summer…and my mom's not even using her house." Blair got up and patted her jeans clean. Serena followed suit.

The two girls started walking towards Blair's block. "Nah, I'd really rather hang out here in the city just doing random stuff. Plus, there will be too much press out there. "

"Looks like there's already a lot of press here." Blair pointed at two paparazzos who had spotted Serena and taken up residence across the street.

"God, I hate them, but at least we look totally fab, right?"

"We always look fab, S. It's kinda like Gossip Girl all over again isn't it?" Blair could hear the snaps of the shutters. "Come on," she said, pulling Serena into a sprint towards her townhouse.

The elevator dinged and the two girls stumbled out, giggling and panting. "Okay, we are not as young as we used to be…" panted Serena. "God, this place looks awesome! Love it!"

Blair put her hands on her knees and breathed in. "Wow. These shoes were not made for running. I'm so out of shape."

"Really, and I thought you would have gotten more than enough exercise during this very long, hot, steamy summer with Nate, right?" Serena giggled and Blair's cheeks turned rosy.

"I can neither confirm nor deny that. But what about you? Some of the OR nurses were talking about how they read about you and Jude Law making out?"

The blonde rolled her eyes, "That was like once, okay? I mean, who hasn't made out with Jude Law."

"Yeah, but he's like old. Which is why you can do better," Blair retorted.

"Come on, B, we're still young. You know I'm not in it for anything serious. Not like you and Nate."

"We're not that serious. It's fun," Blair said coyly.

"Well, I'm glad Nate decided to tell you about us. Seriously, no secrets right? I mean, I begged him to tell you how he felt."

"I know. I'm just glad we can put it all behind us."

"I know, and seriously it meant nothing."

"What meant nothing?" The color drained from Serena's face. Surely, Nate told Blair everything, right?

Serena's eyes widened. "Our conversations…meant nothing," even Serena knew that sounded really lame. "I mean, we talked about you and he promised me not to tell you about us meeting in San Francisco…" Blair did not believe her and well, even though Serena was an actress, she could not fake her way out of that.

"You slept with him, didn't you?" Blair did not look at her because she knew the answer. She had always known the answer. They could never keep their filthy little hands off each other, and what better opportunity to do so when she was out of the picture. She wondered if he had meant to pick Serena in the first place and the decide it was her that he wanted after Serena broke his heart. She picked up her purse and walked over to the elevator, jabbing the button forcefully. Serena had started talking, but Blair couldn't hear anything she said. She walked into the elevator, Serena right behind her. She put out her hand and stated, "It's okay, Serena. I don't blame you. I just need to be alone. Have fun in New York." She stared ahead as the door closed in Serena's face.

--

"What the fuck, Serena?" Nate paced around the Van der Woodsen's suite at the Palace.

"What do you mean? I should be saying, 'What the fuck Nate?' You're the one who didn't tell her the whole truth!"

"Yeah, well that didn't work out so well last time, so I thought we might want to just ignore that fact."

"Well, I'm glad she knows because I'm sick of all the secrets. She sort of got over it before, and she'll get over it again." Serena blew a stray hair out of her face. "We just have to find her first."

It had been five hours and Serena had searched everywhere she thought Blair might be until she caved in and called Nate. The hospital, Barney's, Tiffany's, the Palace. She called Bendel's, Fekkai, Elizabeth Arden and drove around the city. She called Blair's cell twenty times without avail, and Nate texted and called another twenty. He even called Vanessa and Dan who tried calling her too and were coming over to formulate a game plan to search for her.

"We all know Blair is great at hiding away. For all we know, she's already on some beach drinking her fourth mojito by now."

Serena's eyes lit up. "That's it!" she hugged Nate. "I know exactly where she is, but we gotta leave now."

--

Blair sat at the smoky bar nursing her sixth or seventh jack and diet, she'd lost count after she did the three wise men, tequila, and red-headed slut (she would rename the drinks green eyed sluts) shots somewhere between drinks three and four. She'd been sitting there for hours now, without a purse or any money, and yet somehow the drinks kept appearing in front of her. Whatever. It was hot and she was sweaty. She shook her hair around, catching the attention of all the males in the bar. The place was starting to fill up with townies who were done for the day catering to tourists and the every demand of rich bitches like her. Blair and Serena had discovered this place one night in the summer before their senior year, when they were fed up with all the drama. She had always wanted to come back.

"Hey, baby, you wanna dance?" a guy with multiple tattoos on his chest and neck put his hand on her back. Normally she would have told him to drop dead, but she was too drunk to really care. He was kinda sexy, too in a dangerous, dirty way. It beat having the creepy bartender staring at her, probably imagining what she looked like naked, although, she wasn't wearing much clothing to begin with.

She shrugged and was taken out to the dance floor which was suddenly packed with people. The guy she was with, made some sort of lewd gesture behind her back as his friends catcalled. Some hip-hop crappy song played very loudly, and she hated it, but she danced very close to her companion anyway. She felt sick, and vowed that this would be the last time she got this drunk. And it would be the last time she let Nate make her be this drunk.

She slid her hands over his stomach and noted how chiseled he was. He kissed her neck.

Serena walked in and the whole bar collectively gasped. Yeah, she was that beautiful and that famous. Dan and Vanessa walked in afterwards, and then walked right out as the smoke was too overwhelming for Vanessa's fragile state. Nate pushed past the two and scanned the bar, seeing the person he needed to see with her arms all over some trashy muscular tattooed guy, making out with him on the dance floor. His hands were firmly clasped over back pockets of her frayed denim skirt. Serena saw the same sight and could only imagine how drunk Blair actually was.

She strode over to the two and tapped Blair's friend on the back. He turned angrily and his mouth opened at the sight of her. Blair's hair was in her face and she wasn't really able to see Serena, but she heard her sweet angelic voice say, "Can I cut in, babe?" He dropped Blair's hands and took Serena's, already in love like so many men before him. Blair glared daggers at Serena, who mouthed, "Go outside."

Blair huffed and then noticed that she was standing in the middle of the dance floor alone. A new song started up as she stumbled out the door and into a light rain, and spied the person she knew would be waiting for her leaning on a midnight blue DB9 Aston Martin.

"Smoke?" He pulled out a freshly rolled cigarette from a silver Tiffany's holder…she was almost certain she had purchased that for him in high school. His hair was matted down from the light mist coming from the sky. She looked up at the looming clouds and knew they would be drenched soon enough.

"I quit. I'd be a hypocrite if I told my patients not to smoke and I did," she wobbled around on her six inch platform wedges.

"You're drunk." He held his arm out to steady her, which she shrugged off.

"You're a slut."

"It was five years ago and I will still admit it was a mistake. She wasn't the one I wanted to sleep with."

"You still slept with her though, even though it was always supposed to be me, right?" Thunder boomed in the distance preceded by a flash of bright light across the sky. Nate looked up at the sky as a fat droplet of rain hit him on the nose. "That might be the stupidest, most convoluted excuse ever."

"You gave me no other choice. You broke my heart."

"Are you high? You're the one who left me. You broke my heart…in fact, you broke both of our hearts, but still somehow you made it into both of our pants. So congrats. You got what you've always wanted."

"Blair, just stop. You moved on and for the longest time I couldn't and it fucked me up, and I was stupid. When I saw Serena, I thought I could get over you by trying to make it happen with her, but it still didn't work. Even after her, it was still you that I wanted." He tilted her chin up to meet his eyes which were wet. He was sure the moisture wasn't from the rain. She turned away.

What was he talking about? How did he know if she had moved on? Had Serena told him to get him in bed? "I broke up with Zach today." Nate's eye lit up. "After Serena let me in on your secret, I realized how fucking terrible of a person I am for cheating on him. I went over to his place and told him that you and I used to date, and that I didn't think it was going to work out with him because I had feelings for you."

"What did he say?" Nate was almost shouting. The clouds started opening up and rain fell down in hard drops against their skin, but they could not tear away from each other.

"Nothing. He didn't say anything at all, he just showed me the door. Which I guess is what I wanted when I went over there in the first place. I don't know if he'll want to work for you anymore."

"That's okay. We'll find someone else." She barely heard him over the sound of the storm.

"But on the drive up here, I kind of realized something else. I realized that this is not healthy for me. My life was fine at the beginning of the summer, and now it's completely fucked up. I cheated on my boyfriend. I trapped him in this web of deception. I lied to him. You scare me Nate. You scare me because I love you so much that right now I feel like I'm dying. The thought of you with Serena, even if it was years ago, tears my body apart. That's not right. I can't go on living like this, being afraid of you."

"I won't hurt you." He took her hand into his, squeezing it softly. His hair clung to his face and his clothes felt as heavy as his heart. She lifted a wet clump of hair away from his eyes.

"Maybe not intentionally, but even something you did five years ago has this huge affect on me, and that's only the tip of the iceberg. I'll never believe you when you say we have no secrets. I can't get over it. There's been too much stuff between us." She looked at floor. "I can't be with you, Nate. The lies, everything. I just can't." She dropped his hand and walked back inside, not looking back.


	19. i can't accept that it's over

A/N: I'm sorry it has taken me this long to write. I have been very busy with school and interviewing and have flying across country, so that hasn't left me with that much time to write. I'm also kind of working on other things, non-Gossip Girl related stuff...not that my interest has waned, but with the lack of N/B interaction, it kind of leaves me a little dry in terms of inspiration. Hope you enjoy this chapter, and hopefully I'll get another one posted pretty soon.

Rating: T to M

Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the show, not the books, not the songs.

**Never Tear Us Apart**

Chapter 19: I can't accept that it's over

Will someone please call the surgeon?

Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart...

That you deserted for better company.

I can't accept that it's over

And I will block the door like a goalie tending the net

In the third quarter of a tied game rivalry

---The Postal Service

"Scalpel." The scrub tech handed Blair a 15 blade. The shiny metal glinted underneath the bright overhead lights. She placed the knife against the skin, swiftly moving her hand, watching as a thin line of blood appeared beneath her cut. "Incision, 7:52."

"Thank you," the anesthesiology resident stated automatically, not looking up from his papers.

Blair concentrated on the breast reconstruction in front of her. She felt the eyes of her attending physician, who happened to also be her residency director bore into her hands. She was already sort of in deep shit from those pictures and videos that surfaced of her and Serena dancing in the Hamptons. She couldn't afford any more mistakes.

----

_Serena had moved onto another guy by the time she saw a dripping wet Blair return to the bar…alone. Nate followed behind her a few seconds later and headed towards the stage. He yelled something unintelligible to the DJ, who nodded in response._

"_Yo, everybody listen up. How you doing tonight?" the DJ yelled as the crowd screamed. "This next song is for all you crazy ladies out there, especially the blonde and brunette over there," he pointed in their direction. Blair turned her head to look at Nate who stood smiling in the booth right at her. The hard guitar riff and scream started the familiar song as she shook her head and smirked. _

_Crazy bitch. Never has anything been more appropriate. _

_She started writhing her body very suggestively, shaking water onto many bystanders. All the men took notice, especially Nate. Her vintage Bon Jovi concert tee clung to her, showing off every bit of Blair's thin body. She motioned to her blonde friend, grabbing her arm and pulling her close. Serena shook her head and laughed, she knew that no one could keep Blair Waldorf down. You could not beat her, so you might as well join her. _

_Both girls slithered around each other, wet and sweaty with the their arms twisting in the air above their heads. Serena grinded her butt against Blair's legs as everyone watched in awe. Rain from Blair's hair soaked Serena which did not draw any protests from any of the men._

_Camera phones snapped pictures of Serena Van der Woodsen and her friend from all angles. Blair took Serena's hands and twirled her around and closed her eyes not even caring. _

_She looked up at Nate as the song ended and blew him a kiss. Serena looked at the two craziest people she knew and smiled. Even if they weren't together, things would end up okay, she could just feel it._

_--------_

The nurse turned up Blair's iPod to ease some of the tension in the room. The small gesture was successful in shaking Blair out of her reverie. Everyone in the hospital had known what Blair's extracurricular activities had been and the ramifications and gossip had not been pretty. It had been almost one month since it happened, and people were still talking about it.

She snickered underneath her surgical mask as she heard _Bleeding Love _come up. It was old and she had added it to her surgery play list because it had the words bleeding and cut in it. She was very literal. She remembered loving the song in high school and thinking of Nate at that moment. She wondered what he had been up to since Labor Day. Serena had gone back home, and Nate had disappeared from her everyday life, so things were getting back to normal. She went back to hanging out exclusively with Dan and Vanessa, enjoying a drama free existence for now. She'd even heard Zach had gotten a job in San Francisco and was doing quite well for himself. She was glad. He deserved it.

"Can you change the song, Alex?" _Coldplay's Fix you _(another not so subtle surgery reference) started and Blair knew she just couldn't win.

-------

Her fingers swiftly moved in a fixed rhythm. She tied off each suture deftly, then stepped back to examine her work, comparing the newly reconstructed post-chemo and mastectomy side with the other side. Her attending nodded silently, giving his approval. He unscrubbed and left the operating room, leaving Blair to breathe a sigh of relief. Slowly, Blair would have to regain everyone in her departments' respect, but she would. Like a phoenix rising out of the ashes, Blair Waldorf would pick herself up and start anew. That was what she did. She applied some Mastisol to the closed incision and started cleaning off the iodoform.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

The rotating nurse picked up Blair's pager from the counter, "683-4492?"

"I don't know that number, could you call it back please?" The nurse started dialing.

"Hi, I'm returning a page for Dr. Waldorf…Yes, she's in a case right now. She should be able to call you back soon…Can I take a message for her? Okay, got it. Thank you."

Blair looked over at her. "That was a friend of yours, Chuck Bass? His message was the Captain has taken a turn for the worst and to call him back as soon as you can." Blair looked at her in shock. She finished the wound dressing and watched as the patient was extubated. Blair unscrubbed and waited for the patient to be transported to the post anesthesia recovery area. She followed the bed out and wrote the orders as quickly as she could.

Running back to the surgeon's lounge, Blair ignored the stares from her other colleagues. She almost crashed into an orthopedic surgery attending as she crashed into a chair and dialed Chuck's number immediately.

"Chuck Bass."

"Hey, it's me. What's going on?"

"Hey, sorry to interrupt your surgery. It's not good, Blair, he's developed a pneumonia and they aren't sure his body is going to be able to take this stress. They put a tube in him, and he doesn't look good. They've taken him back to Lenox Hill. "

"Is Nate okay?"

"He's been pretty messed up, Blair. And now this, I don't know."

Blair put her head in her hands and silently prayed. "Thanks for calling Chuck. If there's anything I can do, just let me know. Will you let him know I'm here for him?"

"Yeah, I will."

"Thanks." The Captain's words repeated over and over in her mind. "I just want Nate to be happy." And in truth, that was what she wanted too.


	20. reason why

_A/N: I think only a few more chapters left of this one…thanks to everyone who is still reading and thanks for the reviews. I'll be trying to update my other story Because the Night either today or tomorrow, too. If anyone is interested, I've started writing a Twilight fic that I will be posting on later today--it's called Flight 5107, and I think it's shaping up to be better than any of my other fics, so look out for it. As always, let me know how the story is going, and enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the books, not the show, not the songs_

_Rating: T to M, for language and mature themes_

**Never Tear Us Apart**

Chapter 20: Reason why

So, I will head out alone and hope for the best

And we can hang our heads down as we skip the goodbyes

You can tell the world what you want them to hear

I've got nothing left to lose, my dear

So, I'm up for the little white lies

But you and I know the reason why I'm gone, and you're still there

--Rachael Yamagata

Nate sat in his room, behind closed doors looking at an un-smoked joint. He hadn't done this in a while, but he really felt the urge. Pathetic, he was like almost thirty years old, hiding a blunt in the bedroom of his youth. He closed the box in which it was kept and opened some drawers looking for anything else that would distract him. Nothing could.

He lifted his scotch up to his mouth and tasted the bitterness as it quickly slid down his throat. His eyes were bloodshot even without the pot, his face looked ashen. There was a couple of days worth of stubble blanketing his usually smooth skin. He looked like hell. He didn't care. He lay down on the bed and stared at the nautical designs on his wallpaper until they made him dizzy.

He heard a small knock on the door. He knew who it was before she even opened the door. The one person he wasn't looking forward to seeing alone, but the one person he wanted to be alone with the most. She walked in and saw a sorry sight in front of her. Nate looked terrible, pitiful. He hadn't shaved in days and the circles under his eyes were prominent purple pools of despair.

"Hi." Her voice was tiny and timid.

"Hi." His voice sounded as lifeless as he felt.

"That was a nice eulogy."

"Are eulogies supposed to be nice?"

"I think so, yours did him justice." Nate just looked at the walls. "I just came up here to tell you that if you need anything, you know how to find me. Do you need anything right now?"

He shook his head no, and covered it back up with a pillow. She smiled a small smile to herself and went to let herself out. There would be no comforting him today.

"Actually…" He did need something. Life was too short, his father had taught him that. He needed to tell her everything. She turned to him when she heard his voice break, "Blair?"

She looked back at him, "Yes, Nate?"

He was about to spill everything, but he couldn't. "Will you go with me to spread his ashes?" She looked at him almost in horror, but more in shock. She wasn't expecting that request, but she was his friend, that much she could give him.

"Of course I will. Just um…give me a call."

------

Blair stood on the dock, waiting for Nate to arrive. She walked around his boat, admiring it. She read the name on the bow of the majestic yacht, "Her heart on his sleeve" and was touched he even remembered. The honk from his town car startled her as she saw him stride towards her, holding the box of ashes gingerly in his hands.

"Hi." Her mouth turned up at the corners slightly. Was it appropriate to smile when you were going to spread someone's ashes?

"Thanks for coming." Nate stepped onto the boat, and set the box down. He steadied the boat and helped her aboard. He untied the ropes that held them to Manhattan. He looked at her with the sun retreating in the background. She was breathtakingly beautiful and he had been the fool to let her go. He expertly took the helm of the ship and started to steer her away from the harbor. The gentle rocking of the boat soothed any fears she may have had about this night. It wasn't about them tonight. It was about giving the captain the proper farewell he deserved.

"How is your mom?" she asked, breaking the silence.

"She's hanging in there. It's weird, after all he put us through, all of the lies and the cheating, she still stood by him."

"She's a strong woman and she loved him."

"I know." His voice was soft, and he had to wipe some tears away. His father was gone. No matter what troubles he may have had with his dad, he had always been there to help him through whatever problems he had. Now he had no one. Blair understood the meaning behind his tears and got up to stand beside her friend. She put her hand on his atop the steering wheel. He put his head against her shoulders and they stood there, steering the ship away from the sun. After sailing into open water, the buildings of the city left in the distance, Nate anchored.

Blair watched as Nate took the urn and carefully opened it. She knew he would not say any words for fear of the deluge that was sure to fall from his eyes. He slowly tipped the box over the edge of the stern and watched as the millions of ashes floated into the water. Tears ran down the both of their cheeks and Nate flung the urn as far as he could when the contents were all gone. Blair took his hand and held it again. They stood in silence until the sun was completely gone. Nate couldn't bring himself to say anything. He felt like a failure of a son, there were so many things he never got to do with his father. So many things he never got to say to him. He buried his head in his hands as he quietly sobbed.

They sailed back to shore a few hours later. Nate was silent the entire trip. Blair had never seen him, nor anyone quite like this.

"Thanks for coming. I'm sorry it took so long." He ran his hand through his sea swept hair. If he weren't in such a delicate condition, she'd swear that he was shooting some sort of fashion magazine ad for designer casual mens wear.

"That's okay. It was nice to be out on the water again."

Nate remembered how his father and him used to sail together all the time, but rarely did it in the past few years. He had not imagined that their last sailing trip would be quite like this. They did not see eye to eye on many issues and unfortunately let those matters get the best of them. He looked over at Blair, who looked extra shy and vulnerable.

"So what are you up to this weekend?" He attempted to have a semblance of normalcy for her.

"I'm making it an all Yale weekend. My mom and Cyrus are taking a romantic weekend getaway, so I volunteered to babysit."

"By yourself?"

"Yeah, I know. I think we'll hang out, watch some movies, and I have to take her to some birthday extravaganza in the park on Sunday. Maybe we'll go to the Met on Saturday and do some shopping. You know, girls weekend."

"Well, would there be room for a guy in that girls' weekend? I mean, I really owe you for coming here with me today. And I haven't seen your sister like since she was born."

"Oh, you don't owe me anything, Nate. Really, I am glad I got to share this with you. Your dad meant a lot to me, and it's important that we remember him in death as in life."

"I'm really only bringing it up because I think I'm actually going to going off on a big trip soon, and I don't know when I'll see you again." His eyes lowered to the grown, not wanting to have to explain himself to her.

"Where are you going?" her face etched with concern. He was leaving? Where? When? Why?

Well, she knew why, and somehow she didn't think it only had to do with his father's passing.

"I don't know. I'm just going to take the boat out and sail. It was one of the few things my father and I shared, so I really want to get back to it, as a posthumous tribute to him. Now's as good as a time as ever."

"Why?" She silently chided herself for sounded so shocked and hurt.

"I mean, now my dad's gone, and my mom is hiding away at my grandparents, and New York just reminds me a lot of things…and a lot of people."

"Oh." She knew exactly how to read between the lines of that statement. "Well, in that case, of course you can be apart of the Waldorf girls weekend, if you don't mind. You're right, Yale really has never gotten to know you. And she should."

"Are you sure? I mean, I don't want to butt in on your territory, but I doubt we'll ever have an opportunity to get together anytime soon again, and it's been really nice getting back in touch this summer."

Yeah, nice. And complex and tortuous and confusing.

"Yeah, it has. Okay, then it's settled, my parents place at 6 on Friday. I'll bring the smores and ice cream, and the movies, and you bring the main course."

"Chinese okay?"

"Yes, from our favorite place?"

"Sold. I'll be there."

Ironic because after Friday, he wouldn't.


	21. i won't cry, won't waste one single day

_A/N: Wrapping this one up, probably only one-two chapters left. Thanks for reading and for all the reviews, I'm glad you all liked it! This chapter is pretty fluffy and cheesy, but I think N/B deserve a little bit of that sometimes, too. Keep those reviews coming..._

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the books, not the show, not the songs._

_Rating: T_

_**Never Tear Us Apart**_

**Chapter 21: I won't cry, I won't waste one single day**

_I touch you once,_

_I touch you twice_

_I won't let go at any price_

_I need you now like I need you then_

_You always said we'd still be friends…someday_

_--OMD_

Nate watched as Blair's eyes stared intently at the screen. Some Disney movie played, the main characters somehow all breaking out randomly into song and dancing on a football field. He looked at the other side of him at Yale, who was dancing and singing all the words. A dozen half empty take out containers were strewn all over the coffee table, and the remnants of banana splits were evident on Eleanor's carpet covers (thank god for those). Yale bounced up and down. She was sure a cute kid, Nate thought, she looked just like her sister at that age. Little brown ringlets, a wardrobe of all pink, including the Hello Kitty pajamas she wore now. He could also see her sister's bossiness and aggressiveness through her utter annihilation of him at Wii dance party.

"Come on, Nate, dance with me!" Yale's eyes lit up as she looked at the cutest boy she'd ever seen. Her sister was so lucky.

"Ah, Yale, I'm going to get a stomach cramp from eating and dancing. Maybe later."

"No, now." She tugged at his arm until he reluctantly got up and joined her, twirling her around. He caught Blair's eyes and she smiled at the sight of the two of them dancing. Yale and Nate had gotten on famously, like she knew they would. Blair had not remembered how good Nate was with children. And her little sister was a huge flirt and was growing up so fast. She was ten going on forty, already getting her hair blown out at Fekkai, eating sushi with her friends and their moms at Nobu, dressing in the perfect little Ralph Lauren outfits. She even had her own little boyfriend, Cooper, who was the cutest little thing ever.

"1...2...3...go!" Blair's attention focused back on the two of them dancing, as they lunged for her on the couch, tickling her until she couldn't breathe. She tickled Yale back, and then the two of the them tackled Nate down to the ground. He gasped for air, yelling, "Mercy."

Blair stood up and held out her hand for him, he reached out and pulled her back down, tickling her some more. She laughed and struggled to free herself from his grasp. The two of them lay on the floor, their abdominal muscles aching from laughing so hard. Blair sat up and looked at Yale, who sat on the couch, her eyes looking dreamy.

"Missy, looks like it's time for bed. Oh my god, it's almost midnight. Don't tell Mom, okay?"

"I don't want to. I want to stay up with you and Nate."

"Well, that's too bad, because I'm going to bed soon too, and Nate's gotta go home."

"Aww, let the kid stay up a little bit Blair."

"Yeah, listen to Nate." Yale's eyes brightened.

She gave him a disapproving look which he ignored. "How about a bedtime story."

"She's too old for that, Nate."

"Well, let her be the judge of that. How bout it Yale?" She young girl thought about it for a second. She was too old for bedtime stories, but Nate would be telling it, and she'd get to stay up later, so…

"Yes!"

"Okay, but you gotta go wash up and brush your teeth. We'll meet you in your bedroom in ten minutes."

Yale got settled in underneath her covers, which Blair tucked her into when Nate walked into the room.

"So, Yale what do you want to be when you grow up?"

"Anna Wintour."

"You can't be Anna Wintour, technically. But okay…sure, Vogue editor. Didn't you ever want to be a princess?"

"You can't be a princess!"

"I know I can't be a princess, but you're in the Upper East Side, honey, and you can be whatever you want." She raised her eyes at him, "Well, my story is about two princesses, do you still want to hear it?" She nodded eagerly. "Okay then. Once upon a time, there was a magical kingdom called Manhattan. This kingdom was filled with monsters in designer suits and Chanel coats, people from far off lands, and ferocious yellow checkered creatures. In this dreary magical kingdom, there lived two beacons of light, two beautiful princesses, a blonde and a brunette." Yale gave him a crooked smile and a look that spelled out "Duh" all over her face.

He continued, "They were considered the most beautiful women in all the kingdom and they were also smart and funny and incredibly stylish. The Brunette princess was always confident and got whatever she wanted. She always played by all the rules and was straight as an arrow. The Blonde princess was the opposite, always spontaneous and never having a plan. All the lords and dukes adored and suited them, and many of the other maidens and ladies envied them. These two princesses were the best of friends, and really they did everything together. I mean, everything. They told each other all their secrets and their hopes and dreams, and they were like sisters. But…one of the princesses, the blonde one, always seemed to get more attention than the brunette princess, which caused somewhat of a rift between them as they grew older. The brunette had one thing the blonde didn't though, the love of a prince.

See this prince grew up with the two princesses, and he knew them better than anyone else. He loved them both, until one day he realized that he had feelings for the brunette princess. She loved him back with all her heart and he thought they would be together forever." Yale looked at Blair, who smiled wistfully at her. "This somehow did not affect their friendship with the blonde princess. One day, though, the prince started having doubts. He had been with the brunette princess for a long time, but he was scared. She scared him because he loved her, but he wasn't sure he could love her the way she deserved. And he was scared that he would never get to experience anything else. So, like the dumb fellow he was, he let himself fall in love with the blonde princess too, which led to many problems."

"He couldn't be in love with both princesses, who did he pick?" Yale asked earnestly.

"Well, it was very complicated. He didn't mean to be in love with both, it just sort of happened. Anyway, the brunette princess found out about his love for the blonde princess, but she loved him so much that she forgave him once he realized that she, the one with the ever forgiving heart, was the one for him. Unfortunately for him, the blonde princess was still in love with him, and he could not let her go. And thus, the brunette could not forgive him again and she could not wait for him. So, he set off on a journey. For one hundred years, he wandered the seas, stopping in different lands and roaming the deserts and forests of the world. He was cursed by his love for the brunette princess, and that curse prevented him for finding love, even though there were many women who wanted him to love them, he could not love anyone but his princess. He had so much time to think about her that he became obsessed with finding her. So, he returned from his voyage, and sought her out. He followed her to the kingdom of Yale, the place you're named after, and saw his beautiful princess…but she had already fallen for another. Dejected, he left her so that she might find the happiness she deserved, even if it was not with him."

"Why didn't he talk to her?"

"He sought solace in the fact that she was happy, even if it was without him. When you grow up, Yale, you'll understand that sometimes to love someone is to really let them go, and that's what the prince had to do. Infinitely saddened by the loss of his love, he wandered the world once again, trying to find happiness somewhere, so he would not feel so desolate and empty anymore. And incidentally, he ran into Blonde princess, who still loved him even after all that time. But, after spending some time with her, he realized that even she could not fill the emptiness in his heart. And she realized too that she had never been in love with him in the first place, she had only been in love with the notion of him because she so admired and loved her best friend and wanted so much to have what she had…true and perfect love."

"What happened to the blonde princess?"

"She finally was able to let go of the prince and find happiness of her own. And because she knew how much he really loved the brunette, she helped him get back to her, and he was forever indebted to her. Yale, the prince was scared, but this time, he was scared because he was so afraid he had lost his princess. So afraid that he would never be able to tell her how much he loved her. How much he cared about her."

"Did he find her?"

"He did find her. But he actually waited until he made something more of himself, so he had something more to offer her. He returned to Manhattan and found her, and he fell in love with her all over again. There was one little hitch though, she was in love with this great honorable knight. He was able to trick the knight into thinking he was an ally, so he could get close to her. She had changed, but she was so much better this time. She was now kind and sweet, and cared about so many more things in life. She was complex and generous and he knew that he loved her more than anything else in his world and that if she had rejected him, he would not know how to life without her. He professed his love for her even though he was not sure if she loved him back or if she even forgave him for all his past misdeeds."

"Well what happened?" Yale's dazed eyes stared up at him, fighting sleep off.

"He defeated the knight in battle, and thought that was enough, but it wasn't. She loved him, but she could not forgive him for leaving her. And that broke his heart."

"So that's it? He didn't end up with the princess?" Yale murmured through a yawn.

"The story is not over, yet. He loved her, he loves her so much that not being with her was killing him. So, he had to finally give her up and leave her be for good. But before he could leave her again, she found him and professed her love for him. She stopped him just before he set off on another journey, and told him that she forgave him and that she would never love another ever again. And you know how this ends…they lived happily ever after."

Yale's eyes were closing shut and so were Blair's. He smiled at the two and covered Blair with a blanket as well. He turned off the lights, and returned to clean up the living room.

A hour later, Blair walked out of her sister's room, rubbing her eyes. "Sorry, I was really tired."

"That's okay." He poured a glass of wine as a companion for the one he was already drinking and offered it to her. She took it and sat on the couch next to him, tucking her legs under her and gazing into his eyes.

"Thanks for telling her the story. Sounds pretty familiar, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't a fairytale."

"It wasn't, but life isn't." He stared into her eyes, trying to remember every speck and flicker.

"Yeah. Was that stuff about following me to Yale true?" she took his hand and patted it softly.

"It was. I went there your second semester, freshman year."

"You should have talked to me. I would've listened."

"I doubt that, you were pretty pissed back then. Anyway, you looked really happy, I didn't want to change that. And anyway, the longer version of the story is much more interesting than it would've been if you had cut me down ten years ago."

"Yeah, sure."

"Well, I guess I should be going. I've got a lot of packing to do before tomorrow."

"Good luck, and be safe out there, okay? Keep in touch when you get back…"

She kissed him on the cheek as he stood outside her door. "Blair, I love you."

"I know."

-----

Nate walked outside of Blair's town home and looked up at the window. The lights turned off, and he knew she would be laying her head down to sleep. He hoped she was dreaming of him. He walked the city of New York, appreciating all the lights and buzz around him. A few weeks ago, he had been on top of the world, and now he was left with nothing.


	22. two worlds collided

_A/N: So this is the last real chapter of this story…there will be an epilogue posted later today. Thank you to everyone who has stuck it through with me, and for all of those who favorited/alerted and reviewed. You guys are awesome. This chapter is pretty fluffy. Tonight's new episode of GG seems to have something that fans of this story/pairing have been waiting for so, enjoy that too!_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the books, not the show, not the songs._

_Rating: T_

**Never Tear Us Apart**

**Chapter 22: Two Worlds Collided**

_Don't ask me, what you know is true_

_Don't have to tell you _

_I love your precious heart_

_I was standing_

_You were there_

_Two worlds collided_

_And they could never tear us apart_

_---INXS_

Blair sat on a bench, smoothing out her black knee length pencil skirt. She watched her little sister play with her friends in the distance. She dropped her off a good thirty minutes ago, but didn't really know what to do with herself. She walked through the Ramble for a bit, enjoying the peaceful scenery. She took her phone out and scrolled through the contacts lists, looking for someone…anyone to call. As if on cue, her phone rang and Dan's name appeared on the screen along with a goofy picture of him.

"Hey!"

"Wow, you haven't ever sounded that excited to hear from me in…well, forever?"

"I'm just happy to hear from you is all. I feel like we haven't gotten together in forever. Do you want to get some lunch?"

"Wish I could. We're heading to a wedding in a little bit. We can go get something for dinner though."

"Oh, okay. Sure, oh and I've got to start planning the big baby shower for V! I'm so excited."

"I know, it's really happening. It doesn't even seem real. I swear it was like yesterday that Nate and Vanessa pulled that little surprise on us."

She smiled at the sound of his name. "Yeah, and now she's almost six months along."

"So, did you talk to him today?"

"No, I think he was heading out really early."

"Blair, you know I rarely try to give you any advice for free. But don't you think you're making a mistake?"

"What are you talking about? He came here, sabotaged my relationship that was going really well, and then I found out that he slept with Serena again."

"I know. And those are all valid points as to why you should never talk to him again, and believe me, I didn't want to see him anywhere near you when he first came back because I know what he does to you. But conversely, I know what he does to you. You love him. And being around him for the past few weeks, and seeing how much he was hurting when we went to find you in the Hamptons, I think he's for real this time."

"Even if I did love him. He's already gone." A single tear escaped from her eye.

"I think there's still time, I don't think he's leaving until noon."

"It's already 11:50."

"That's ten minutes, plenty of time. Don't you owe it to yourself to see?" Dan was right. He always was. Blair started walking towards 73rd street, breaking out into a brisk jog, which was not easy to do in her satin heels. Dan heard the click of her heels on the sidewalk. "Get him, B!" she heard Vanessa yell in the background.

"Thanks guys, I've got a boat to stop." She hailed a taxi, out of breath and feeling the sweat drip down her brow. She tried calling Nate's phone, but it went straight to voice mail. "Hey, it's Blair. Please don't leave. I have something to tell you." Minutes later, they stopped in front of the East river. Blair ran across the harbor towards where Nate's boat was docked, her shoes in her hands. She ran, panting to the stall, which was empty. She dropped her shoes and let her head sink down to her knees.

"Sweetheart, are you looking for the Archibald boat?"

She looked up at the deck of a monstrous yacht at a wrinkled old man. She nodded.

"It left about thirty minutes ago."

"Thanks." She stalked back towards the street. She collapsed in a heap onto the dock, her body wrecked with sobs. All of the stress and emotion of the past few months poured out of her.

After twenty minutes of sitting on the dock being stared at by complete strangers, Blair picked herself back up as she had many times before, and went back home.

---

She walked the streets of New York for hours, watching all of the different people around her. People walking their dogs, tourists taking pictures in front of all of the stores on Fifth, and there were a lot of couples, smiling and looking in love. She stopped to sit in Paley Park, admiring the waterfall. She could get through this.

Blair headed back to the park, after a short jaunt to her house to shower and change. The birthday party was just about to let out, and she had to shuttle Yale back to her parents.

"Blair!" Yale ran up to her, wearing a bunch of swarovski encrusted bracelets. "Look at what I got as a party favor." She twirled her bracelets around her arm. She admired then and looked at all of the nannies there to pick up their kids. What a strange world they'd grown up in. There was an insane looking wonderland erected in the middle of the park, complete with midway, arcade games, a moon, merry-go-round, and stage where all the little girls were encouraged to get up and make music videos of their favorite songs. Apparently, some famous kid star singer, actress performed earlier in the day and the kid received a new show horse as one of her fabulous gifts. Talk about my Super Sweet tenth birthday party.

"Wow, beautiful. Ready to go, kid?" Yale nodded, hugging her best friend Samantha and giving her a kiss.

She had obviously eaten too much cake and ice cream, as she sped off without Blair towards the Bow Bridge. Blair collected all of Yale's things, and a goodie Le Sport Sac bag comparable to that of many Hollywood swag events, and started after her. "Yale! Wait up! You can't run ahead of me!" She hurried along, lugging all of the stuff with her. She began to lose sight of Yale, and tried to run faster.

She caught up to Yale, who was standing near the bridge, her eyes squinting to see something in the distance. "Yale, you gotta stay with me."

"NATE!" she screamed, and ran onto the bridge. Blair followed her with her eyes, and saw him there, standing in the middle of the Bow bridge, wearing a green sweater…no, the green sweater, light blue button down underneath with khaki Brooks Brothers shorts. Yale hugged his leg, and lifted her in the air. Blair dropped all of her stuff on the ground. Her eyes locked with his and she walked slowly to the foot of the bridge.

He saw her, and let Yale down…he walked slowly, his gaze on hers on her until they collided into each other. Their lips crushed together in a kiss as he held her face in his hands. She let go and gave him a big hug, taking in his scent. "I thought you were gone. I went to the dock…and you weren't there. I just, I'm sorry."

He held her head against his chest. "I know. I heard. I turned around, I couldn't leave you here, not without telling you how I feel about you. You don't have anything to be sorry about. I'm sorry for hurting you. I've been thinking a lot about life, and about us. I've mostly been thinking about forgiveness. With my dad dying and all, I just think that there are so many important things in life and that you are at the top of that list for me. I love you, Blair. And I'm not going to leave here and risk losing you again. This time will be better. I'm not going to be perfect and I'm not always going to say the right things at the right times, but I promise that I'll at least try." Finally the words she always wanted to hear from him.

"I love you, too…always have, always will."

He buried his face in her hair. He was finally able to breathe again. He held her in his arms and they just looked at each other, knowing exactly what the other was thinking. Nate kissed Blair, and he finally felt like he was home again.

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_A/N: Next chapter is the epilogue and will be posted sometime this afternoon. Thanks for reading!_


	23. epilogue

_A/N: Just to tie things up a bit, here's the epilogue. Thanks again to everyone who has read this story. I really enjoyed writing it, so I hope you enjoyed reading it. This is pretty much just fluff, but that's the way it should be, right?_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the show, not the books, not the songs._

_Rating: T_

**Never Tear Us Apart**

Epilogue

"God, you are so gorgeous, aren't you? Aren't you?" Blair kissed her godchild and admired the baby, holding her gingerly swaddled in her arms. She cooed at her and rocked her gently back and forth in her arms. Rian Elizabeth Humphrey opened her large brown eyes and opened her mouth in an O shape. "Aww…Vanessa look!"

Nate leaned against the wall, surveying the whole scene, cold beer in hand. "You better be careful Archibald, she's looking a little too comfortable there," Dan teased, looking at Vanessa and Blair adore his daughter.

"She looks like a natural. Who knew?" The two men looked at each other in silent agreement. Yale ran by with a bunch of other children they didn't recognize.

Blair walked over to them and smiled widely at Nate. "Wanna hold?" Nate looked at her in horror, but held his arms awkwardly out as Blair handed Rian over. Rian looked at Nate and wrinkled her nose, starting to fuss.

"I obviously do not have the same natural ability…" he laughed, handing her to Dan.

"How about presents, everybody?" All of the guests gathered around Vanessa in the living room area of their apartment. Vanessa started opening up each gift, stopping and holding up every little designer outfit, blanket, baby gadget and toy cooing at each gift.

Laura stopped Blair as she walked to the center of everyone. "Great party, Blair. Everything looks so cute." Blair looked up at the pastel colored ribbons and centerpieces she picked out. They were tiny baby carriages filled with candy and rattles and assorted baby themed items. She walked back towards Vanessa to help her sort all the gifts and wondered why Dan and Vanessa invited Laura, Adam and Joe. She wasn't sure they even really knew each other.

"I think that's it, thank you all so much for the gifts. Rian is one lucky girl, look at all this cute stuff!" Vanessa squealed.

Nate spoke up, "Actually, I've got one last gift…" Dan smiled and Blair looked at Nate quizzically. She had already picked out Rian's gift from him, a vintage style bassinet, and they'd already given it to Rian earlier. He pulled out a robin-egg colored box, and Blair wondered what in the world he could've gotten from Tiffany. Vanessa undid the white ribbon and lifted the box. Her eyes lit up, and she grinned.

"Uhh..Nate, I don't think Rian is ready for this step quite yet, but we're flattered," she laughed. Blair stood on her tiptoes looking over Nate's shoulder. She couldn't see. Before she could ask…

"Oh, sorry. I meant to give you this," he held up a silver circular rattle. He knelt down and gave it to Rian, who clutched it in her tiny hand. "This is actually for Blair…"

Vanessa handed him the box and he turned around, a blue velvet box in hand. "What are you doing?"

He opened the box and in it sat two glittering diamond rings. "Blair…"

She stared at the rings, and then she stared at his deep green eyes. "Blair, breathe." She exhaled. "I love you, and these past few months have been the best of my life. If not for you, my life would not have been as entertaining or fulfilling as it is today. And I just don't want to imagine living without you. I guess, what I'm trying to say is…would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

Blair's mind flashed back to preschool when she met the cutest boy she'd ever seen. She imagined him through the years, in his blue blazer and khaki pants. She imagined the fifteen year old Blair writing Mrs. Nathaniel Archibald all over her notebooks. She imagined eighteen year old Blair heartbroken over losing her love. That would never have to happen ever again.

She looked at Nate, kneeling down in front of her, waiting expectantly. She took his hand and lifted him up so that he could face her. She looked up at him. "Of course, I will." The room erupted in applause and flashbulbs went off all around them. Nate slipped the Vanderbilt ring on her right hand and slipped his custom designed princess cut 3.5 carat solitaire surrounded by nine pave cut diamonds (one for each letter of both their names) on her left hand.

"I love you, Mr. Archibald."

"I love you, future Mrs. Archibald."

Yale tapped Nate on the back. She stood there, her hands on her hips, "So does this mean the prince and princess are actually going to live happily ever after?" Blair smirked at Nate, who looked at the grinning Yale.

"You know kid, I think it does. Happily ever after."

**The End. **

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